I’m slowly learning that I will never feel alone ever again because I am the mother to twins and that will never change. As far as realizations go, this is both liberating and terrifying. Liberating in that living with unconditional love in your heart frees you from seeking love out. Terrifying in that loving someone so hard makes you vulnerable to hurt and pain. Along with every memorable moment, there’s the possibility that something might go horribly wrong at any time.
I’m slowly learning that my life has changed. I’m no longer able to do the things that were once easy, mostly for logistical reasons. I cannot meet a friend for coffee or a drink at the last minute because socializing requires quite a bit of forethought. I can’t indulge a whim to hit the town at night without planning far in advance, or paying for a babysitter. My day-to-day existence has shifted permanently to accommodate my little one. But I’m not at all resentful. I want to be with my twins pretty much always anyway. i want to forget scary memories.
I’m slowly learning that my own needs are secondary to those of the tiny creatures I’ve created. Not because I’m an especially generous or kind individual, but because that’s what being a mom entails. There’s no avoiding it, really. When your babies needs to eat, you instinctively feed them. When they need a new diaper, you don’t let them sit in their soiled nappy for longer than absolutely necessary. When they cry, you work to soothe them.
I’m slowly learning that when you’re a mom, you can no longer be so
particular about things. You eat what you can, when you can. You won’t always
be entirely sated, but you’ll barely register lack of satisfaction since there
simply isn’t enough time. You get your nails done and your hair cut far less
frequently than before, not because you’re any less vain, but because you
forget to care about your own appearance. You exercise if and when you get the
chance, if and when you have the energy. At some point, it becomes easier to
recall how many poopy diapers you changed the day before than what you ate for
lunch that very afternoon.
I’m slowly learning that being a mom is all-consuming. You never get to stop being a mom. Ever. And that’s the beauty of it. Parenthood is a cloud that hovers over you at all times—sometimes bright, fluffy, and purely innocuous, other times suspiciously dark and foreboding.
I’m slowly learning that I’m a different person now. And that that’s okay. It would be impossible to remain the same. I am my former self, plus motherhood. I am not saying that being a mom requires abandoning every aspect of your former identity, or becoming better in any way. But it does require making tough choices, and learning. It demands stripping your old self down to her core, and choosing which pieces of her are worth preserving, and which pieces you’re better off jettisoning. It requires taking a hard look at yourself through the eyes of the person who’s pretty much programmed to adore you and to mimic your every move. It requires softening your heart, and toughening your soul.
Let me start out by saying how much you should be loved and appreciated. I know recently a lot has been said on the internet about the value of moms and the dream that some young girls and women have of one day becoming a mother. If there are women reading this that have no desire to get married of have kids, that’s perfectly fine. The beauty of your life is that you choose what is a priority and you get to set your own list of goals. If the top of that list is to raise me, then by all means, go for it. I am already a mother too, I have to be strong, self supportive, no matter the challenges.
The unfortunate thing is that, for some reason, the role of a mom
has been looked at as giving up on your dreams or settling. While it may apply
to some who never wanted to be a mother, I’m willing to bet the vast majority
of moms don’t look around at their children and think, “Wow, what an absolute
waste.” Being a full time mom is a tough job, and like all other jobs, I’m sure
there are days when you want to get in the car, drive to the nearest bar, and
start throwing back shots of tequila like your life depended on it.
On the other hand, the joy of seeing your child walk on his/her
own, or count to ten for the first time would have to be the most incredible
feeling in the world. You created this moment. You raised and nurtured this
tiny being and look at the abilities he’s/she’s obtained. That’s because of
you. Later on in life you get to see that same child that you poured values
into, and that you held next to you in the bed after he/she had a bad dream
walk across a stage and receive a diploma for completing school. How do you
describe the pride and honor you feel or raising a child that is now a
contributing part of society and could go on to save lives or to cure diseases?
You may not have your name on a plaque or climbed the corporate ladder, but a
human life has been shaped and molded because of you.
I’m not going to pretend to be an expert of feminism and go on
some rant about defining the roles of each gender. My feeling was that feminism
is supporting a woman’s right to choose the path for her life and accomplish
the dreams that she has, no matter how difficult those may be. What sort of
backwards thinking would give anyone the right to say, “No, your dream is
stupid and therefore it’s invalid and a waste of time.” Moms, I appreciate the
work you do and I don’t think for one second that if your dream was to be a mom
you’ve done anything wrong. I mean, without moms none of us would be here,
I was lucky enough to grow up with a mom who stayed at home and
took care of us. It’s a luxury that some don’t have because we all can’t afford
nannies or cleaning ladies or personal shoppers. My mom was there for me when I
felt like I was completely alone in the world. She worked hard to raise her
children and would do it all over again. I appreciate the service that my mom
provided to our family. If you’re a mom reading this, then obviously I don’t
have to tell you the joys you find in being a mother or even a wife, if that’s
applicable to you too. What I do want you to know is that you are valuable and
you are a vital part of society. Don’t let anyone diminish your accomplishments
or look down on you. Thank you for everything that you do.
Truth is, there will never be enough
times I can say those precious words “thank you” to match what you have done
here and think about all of the milestone moments in my life, and it’s no
coincidence that you were right there with me through all of them. You are my
backbone even if we are miles apart or when I get chance to snuggle up with you
and watch one of our favorite shows and pretend I am a kid again.
call and every time I am in need of help, advice, support, or any other
mischief you can think of, you are always the first to respond no matter how
tired or worn out you may be that day. You have always been the most
compassionate and caring human and it constantly makes me want to be a better
person. As I grow older, I can only hope to be even a fraction of an incredible
human as you are.
are the biggest inspiration in my life and I would be nowhere without you, (I
mean I wouldn’t even be born), but more than that. You have given me my genes,
my physical traits, yes, but beyond that, and more importantly, you have given
me my heart. You have consistently shown me unconditional love and support throughout
my life. You taught me the power of altruism and putting others before you,
even when they will not do the same for you. You have taught me to love, and to
always be kind to whomever you meet. You have taught to go for my dreams and
that nothing is too far out of reach if I want it.
One day I wish I could repay you for everything you
have done for me, but frankly, there is no gift and no perfect equivalent to
the amount of impact you have had on my life.
I love you beyond words, Mom. And even though I may not say it enough, thank you, for everything.
My friend’s letter to single mothers from her journal called Journal of Prosy
Having a complete family is all I ever dreamed of. Yet throughout all the
years, somehow, my mom embodied everything I needed in a father and much more.
It was my mother who told me
to be strong when I was having a hard time making friends back in grade school.
I used to beg her to go with me school just so I could have someone to eat
lunch with. Being surrounded by grown-ups my whole life, interacting with
people my age was hard for me; yet she wiped all my tears and reminded me that
things would always get better, I just needed to keep my head up.
My mother taught me to
always fight for what I believe in and to never back down. To posses the spirit
of a true fighter, just like her. When bullies called me names and made me feel
terrible about myself, she defended me. She told me to be strong because one day
I’d eventually have to be strong without her. She said that I needed to learn
how to stand on my own two feet and that all these trials I was experiencing
were going to build character. So I became strong, I learned that I could
overcome just about anything.
My mother showed me success
should never be flaunted and nothing worth having ever comes without hard work.
Not once did she ever brag to me about her position, nor did she ever believe
in buying expensive things that didn’t serve any purpose. She consistently
reminded me that money did’t grow on trees. My only supporter, she shouldered
all the expenses in our family, paying for my tuition, all my school supplies,
allowance and providing me with everything I need. Things I could never repay
My mother revealed to me the
secrets of being a good person, mainly the ability to say sorry. Sorry to all
those you’ve hurt and the acceptance of your mistakes. We say sorry because we
mean it, or else it’s not worth anything. We say sorry because we take responsibility
for our actions and we learn to grow from the forgiveness that others give us.
That is the lesson she blessed me with.
My mother motivated me by
listening when I talked about all my hopes and dreams: my future restaurants,
my future coffee shop, my future museum, my creative director dreams etc. We
would go on long car rides and talk for hours, or chat even when we were stuck
in traffic, just laughing over the silliest things. I would always ask her for
advice and she gave it freely. I have never been more comfortable with anyone.
But the most important lesson my mother taught me is to love others with
all my heart without needing anything in return. The way she loves me every
My mother listened to all my
problems without any judgement (or hesitation to give her two sense). She
showed me what it really means to be a good person, who respects others no
matter their position in life: waiters, security guards, shop keepers etc.
because they all deserve our respect as people. She taught me that no matter
what age you are, learning never stops. That every single day we live our lives
we grow in maturity. We learn to be more considerate towards others; we try and
understand those who hurt us and how to be a decent human being.
The relationship between my
mother and I has always been an open one, where I can always be myself. But the
most important lesson my mother taught me is to love others with all my heart
without needing anything in return. The way she loves me every single day.
She held my hand at night
when I couldn’t sleep because of the horror movies I watched on the computer.
She cared for me enough to nag me every single day for simple things like
eating my vitamins, or to send me text messages on the latest current events,
always reminding me to be safe and take care of myself. She patiently picked me
up from late committee meetings even though she was tired coming from work
because she knew that I enjoyed what I was doing and she fully supported it. Thank you, Mom. And
thank you to all the moms out there.Thank
you for all the things you’ve done and continue to do every single day. For all
the times you put your children first and brought home your favorite food, even
though you wanted the last bite. For staying up with us, listening attentively
to all our problems or when we just needed to vent . For all the times your
hugs felt like home. But most importantly, thank you for being you. Because one
thing is for sure, we would not be the people we are today, without you. We
Happy Mother’s Day. I’m the reason you can celebrate today. I don’t know what kind of emotions and feelings you have on this symbolic day of the year, or if it evokes more or less than other days, so I will tell you mine. you mean everything to my life, What a great life!
Our little home, my sanctuary. The bedroom walls hold the sound of my laughter, the depth of my tears. They hold my dreams, my doubts, and the entirety of who I am.
When I look at the sun spots on my mother’s face, I do
not see damaged skin; I see long days spent outside on adventures.
When I see my father’s pain sneak up on him in forms of aches and
strains, I do not see disabilities; I see the weight of
protecting three hearts in the safe place he created for us.
When I look at my mother’s brittle nails, I do not see
neglect; I see the hands of a woman who would rather spend the money on anyone
When I look at my father’s grey hairs, I do not see age; I see
years, years of worrying about those he holds dearest.
I assure them, “ I’m okay, you need not worry. “A parent’s job
simply does not stop when they are looking up at adults that were once restless
When I hear my mother’s laugh, I notice it’s a song that’s played
all of my life; never changing its tune.
When I hear a man try to give me advice, I know it will never be
as authentic and wise as the words my father speaks to me. Sometimes I wonder
if classrooms are missing a professor. Sometimes I wonder if more people would
benefit from his words.
When I see my mother cry, I do not see weakness; I see a
woman who has been strong for too many people for just a little too
When I see my father treat my mother how he does, I do
not see a sappy love story told over and over; I see the love story
everyone is after, the one we’re all chasing.
When I see my father get protective, I do not get annoyed; I
see a boy who was not protected by the ones who were supposed to do just
that. I see a man who refuses to live by the examples laid out for him. I see a
man who you will not cross.
When I see my mother’s blind optimism, I do not see
foolishness; I see what society needs a little bit more of.
Year by year, a new wrinkle appears. I do not see
time; I see a roadmap to the memories from an enchanting childhood. I see a
direct history of the making of who I am.
I see my life.
to wonder why my family wasn’t like everybody else’s.
It didn’t consist of the usual components; and to me that meant both a mother and father. My mother has been my rock, my go-to, and the glue that’s held me together for the last 24 years.
And as I get older, I recognize the subliminal messages she has continuously taught me along the way.
mother taught me that patience and faith are two of the most valuable things to
obtain in life. And that no matter what, everything will be OK in the end. That
tomorrow will always be a new day to start over again. She taught me that
patience is the key to getting everything you want from life. And patience is
strength. My mother taught me to always go the extra mile for others. She would
give her right arm to make sure somebody else was happy, even if that meant she
didn’t get anything in return. As I grew older I did the same for others, and
that is how I realized not everyone is going to have a heart like mine- and,
that’s OK. Doing nice things for others, just for the sake of knowing you’re a
good person is all the gratification I’ll ever need.
me that the little things in life will always bring me the most happiness. And
every day I am alive, I’m always able to find something to smile about, as long
as I open my eyes to it. My mother taught me how it’s possible to be both
strong and soft at the same exact time. And that being soft is one of my best
assets that I should never apologize for. That being sensitive is a virtue I
should appreciate about myself because ultimately it is a gift that keeps
giving. She taught me that being selfless is a both a blessing and a curse
because it’s easier to get hurt that way. She taught me that beauty is not
always physical. And it has more to do with who you are on the inside. She
taught me how important it is to get to know someone before ever judging them.
And to put myself in their shoes and look at things from another perspective
before I chose to do so.
mother taught me the true meaning of being independent. And how I
will never need anybody else to make me happy. She taught me that there is
nothing that I’m incapable of accomplishing, as long as I set my mind to it.
And no matter what the outcome is, as long as I consistently try my very best,
I’ll always be a winner. She taught me there is no real way to buy happiness or
love. Material objects will not make me a happy person. That memories and
special moments triumph possessions. And I should always be extremely grateful
for those moments I am given. She taught me that mistakes are what makes me
human. And that it’s perfectly OK to make them, as long as I choose learn from
the lessons they provide.
She taught me that the mistakes I make do not define who I
am as a person and they will help me grow.
My mother taught me how rare unconditional love is. And when you unconditionally love somebody that means that you continue to love them through the dark times. It means that you promise to never give up on them, no matter how hard it may get.That the love a mother has for her child is the purest and most magical form of unconditional love there is, and how I should never take that love for granted for a single second.
Lessons from my mother’s advice to me and my 4 sisters, Justine, Regina, Doreen, late Resty, Annet, Brothers, Tonny, Richard, Julius, Emmanuel, Anthony, David.
1. “You will never have to live this day again.” She said this on my very first memorably bad day, coming home from school unable to stop sobbing. I reuse it whenever trying to console someone after specific pains.
2. My mom said, “You young people get confused about dates, a date is just suppose to be a fun get together with someone, not meaning you’re picking out life partners and deciding what house to buy. Just go out on a date, and have fun together, stop taking it so serious.”
3. “Happiness is just having something to look forward to.”
You had your issues, mom, but this advice
has served me well.
4. “If you dislike someone for a character trait, make sure you don’t have the same one. Things that annoy you in others, might be things you do yourself.”
5. Something my grandfather told her, then she told us : “Hugs and handshakes, give them like you mean it.”
6. “Look in the mirror and see if you see a friend in there.
8. When I fist logged into facebook, when I was 14, my mom told me that: “The internet is like a postcard, of course you can write every little secret onto it, but you have to expect that everyone can read it.”
I think many teens should know that.
9. “Be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice. Then destroy them.”
10. My mom said that I should listen to the advice I give to other people. For years that didn’t make sense, but recently all the pieces seem to fall in place. Especially the advice I gave my mom, is now applicable to myself. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in that regard.
11. “It took me 9 months to make your heart, don’t let someone break it in a day, people will come and go in your life but your mother will always love you.”
12. “Have more money than he does.”
It sounds really sexist, and it is, but my
mom was raised by an abusive father. Whenever he wanted to make a point, he
walked out on the family for a few months to stay in some hotel so my mom, and
her mom, would be eating out of dumpsters.
I’ll be damned if I don’t have enough
money that I can afford to leave the MINUTE any guy hits me.
13. “The man you belong with is the man who you would be proud to have your future son be just like.”
Really wish I took this to heart earlier.
14. If there’s an uncomfortable feeling in your gut about a person, situation, or place, go with it. Listen to it and either protect yourself or gtfo.
15. “Place yourself first!” (This advice may sound selfish but since she knows me quite well she was trying to say to be more selfish because I tend to be a people pleaser and she recognized that — thanks Mom!)
16. “Act like you belong wherever you are.” Interact with as many people as possible, you never know, the people you meet can help you in the future.
17. “Always listen to the other side of the story.” She told me to give everyone a fair chance because I would want the same.
18. “Just because many people agree on something doesn’t mean that they are right, just that many people are idiots.”
I think she told me when I was 10 or so.
Never forgot it.
19. “Always have enough money to get out of a situation and an exit strategy.” She said it about dates, but it’s good advice in general.
20. In exasperation, my mom told me, “When you show up late, it tells people that you think your time is more important than theirs.”
I used to be cronically late to nearly
everything. And that statement just crushed me because I love my mom and my
friends and would never purposely be disrespectful. I had just never looked at
it that way before. I’m rarely late anymore and it’s been amazing how something
so seemly small has improved my relationships and has all around made my life
better and less stressful than I could have expected. Wish Mom would have laid
into me sooner.
21. “Water finds it’s own level.”
Essentially, everything will work out in
the end the way it should work out/ karma evens out in the end. Yea, there
might be periods that suck and seem like things aren’t going to be ok, but in
the end they will be.
22. “You have to be happy being single before you can be happy in a relationship.”
23. “Don’t rely on others for your happiness.”
I found out the hard way that it’s
unhealthy and puts a lot of pressure on relationships.
24. “The world will send you where it wants you to be.” That was my mum’s take on fate. I don’t really believe in fate, but at certain times in my life that statement really calmed me down and stopped me from obsessing about things I can’t control.
25. “Honey, never keep a man for rent.” Said to me while I was crying after getting back from vacation to find my shitty boyfriend had spent all the bill money on drugs and the house trashed, the animals neglected. I lost my shit and had a screaming fight with him and kicked him out then called my mom. She came over and I was panicking about how me and my friend could afford rent without him and that I should keep dating him to afford the rent. I took her advice and she was right!
26. “We don’t know who discovered water, but we know it wasn’t a fish.”
When you’re in a situation it can be very
hard to be objective; no matter how hard you are trying to see what you’re
going through, you will never have the perspective of those who aren’t. Trust
your loved ones who aren’t immersed in “water” to tell you when something is
27. “Marry your best friend. They already know all the good AND bad things about you, but they choose to be your friend anyways.”
28. That I don’t have to justify anything I do to anybody else. This was just a few weeks ago; my husband and I have been making some pretty major life decisions and my coworkers have been interrogating me about my choices and trying to lecture me (they are all about 20 years older than me). I was venting about this and my Mom gave the above advice.
29. “Life isn’t fair, deal with it.” Sounds pretty harsh but my parents are very straightforward people and honestly I’ve used this a lot. I really work hard for everything I have and I know that things aren’t going to just be given to me, I’m going to have to work for them and I still may not get all the things other people have.
30. “Put yourself in their shoes” a reminder that everyone perceives life differently. It has helped me be more empathetic even when I have felt wronged by someone. Too many people only think about themselves, without even realizing that is what they are doing.
31. “If you tell one lie, you’ll have to tell another, and another.” It’s easier to tell the truth.
32. “No one is as concerned with your appearance as you think they are.” Between my own insecurities and my sisters, my mom did a great job of constantly reassuring us we are beautiful in our own ways.
33. “No matter where you go, or what you’re doing, someone will always be in your way.”
34.My mom once told me: “I used to get mad at your dad because he’s bad at remembering dates/anniversaries. Then one day I just decided that’s just how he is, and not worth getting upset over.”
It may sound like she’s compromising, but
I always took it as “people are who they are.”
35. “Kill them with kindness.” Even if someone is being a dick to you, just respond by being very nice back. It will make them look like an even bigger asshole and make you look good in the process.
36. She told me this in Hindi but it translates to: “Never hurt someone’s heart.”
37. “Not my circus, not my monkey.”
Which means, of its not your problem why
are you worrying about it. Worrying about it will make it your problem.
38. “You are what you hang with.” Always made me critical of who I surrounded myself with after I really learned what she meant. Basically keep good company.
39.“If you ever want to do something just ask the worst thing they can say is no.” As someone who was really shy but wanted to get involved in a lot of activities in school this helped me a lot.
I find myself repeating this to myself
every time I’m in a rush to do something, and how I should have planned my time
41. “Make sure he loves you more.” I never understood this until I got my heart broken again and again, and now I finally think I understand what she meant. She wasn’t be callus when she said it, she was saying that women (for whatever reason) tend to love more, and love harder, and so are more susceptible to being hurt. I’ve been in two long term relationships, both of which were physically abusive. I stayed, and I loved and I got hurt badly each time. Now, I’m in a relationship with a man who’s open to showing affection with me, who cares about me and what I think, and who I don’t question whether or not he loves me or find myself fighting for his attention or love.
Btw, my mom’s not some crazy feminist and
her and my dad have been happily married for 28 years.
42. My mom told me what her dad told her before she had kids: “The moment you bring a child into this world you owe them everything and they owe younothing.”
In the type of environment I work in,
there are so many parents in this world that don’t understand this. It was
never the choice of the child to be born. You chose for them to be alive. While
it may be nice they return the favor of taking care of you when you reach an old
age, don’t assume they’re obligated to.
Don’t get me wrong… it’s tragic when a
child doesn’t want to be part of a healthy relationship with their parent(s)
(key word here being healthy). But the sad fact is… it’s their choice.
43. “You don’t have the right to ruin anybody’s day.” It’s a simple and probably very optimistic advice when it comes to some very annoying people, but I try to follow it whenever I can.
44.“You can’t please the world so you have to please yourself.”
That and, “don’t settle for something that
is similar to what you want; be patient and save up for what you really want.”
45. My two favorites from my mom:
“Never trust anyone whose flaws you can’t
see. It means they’re hidden deep.”
“As a parent, don’t pat yourself on the
back or blame yourself for how they turned out until they’re 40.”
46. “Never hit anybody. Unless they hit first, then go to town.”
I’ve never been violent, but I’m still
glad I was told to stand up for myself.
47. “Even if you love each other sooo much and he is so sorry and it will never happen again, if he hits you, you leave.”
48. My mom always said and has always taught me to respond to situations instead of react to them.
49. “Sometimes you won’t be in love with your husband. or wife, But it will be your commitment to stay together that keeps your marriage working. And then one day, you find yourself back in love with them.”
To convince me her advice was solid, she
asked the adult me if I remembered what our couch looked like when I was 12, or
what I got for Christmas. I couldn’t remember. Then she said, “What about the
trip we took the Grand Canyon that summer?” Memories galore.
Mother, for all you passed trough, i know better life isn’t on the fullest, but be strong, On your worst days, when the world has been most cruel to you, when things have gone so wrong you can barely breathe without a thousand knives feeling like they are stabbing into you and you feel like you don’t matter, that none of this matters, I hope you look at the night sky. I hope you realize that in that moment of looking at the incredible tapestry before you that you are not alone. And most importantly, I hope you understand how no matter what the world has done to you that day, you are a deeply essential being.
You see that same thing that has made the beautiful night sky, with all its diamond stars, with its luminous moon, with the millions of solar systems and galaxies that exist side by side, also thought that you were a brilliant idea. And this isn’t just a pretty thing to say; there is science to back that up. The probability of you existing at all comes down to 1 in 10 to the power of 2,685,000.
The very idea that you exist considering those extremely low odds is a
miracle on its own. You see, the exact DNA that comes from your parents to
create you could have only happened when your parents met, which is 1 chance in
20,000. That alone should be enough, but when you add up the fact that it has
taken 5-10 million years of human evolution for you to exist at this time, in
this moment, you begin to recognize just how much of an impossibility you are.
And look, look at what your body is made of. The
universe loved you so much, it valued your fight to exist so much, that it gave
you the blood of stars, so you are made of 93 percent of the very stars in that
night sky. It gave you acids within your stomach that eat away anything you
cannot digest including the hateful emotions that are thrown your way. It gave
you a heart that is so powerful it can beat outside of your body. It gave you a
spine stronger than granite. It gave you iron in your veins to remind you of
the warrior you are.
You weren’t supposed to exist. You fought all of those
odds just to be here. And that is no accident. You are here for a reason. You
breathe this air for a reason. You have purpose; your existence means
something. Someone smiled because of you today. Someone remembered something
you did that was kind. Someone went to sleep thinking of you today. And more
so, there ARE people who love you and people you haven’t met yet who will love
you so much, they would do anything for you.
You are a miracle. The idea of your existence is a
miracle. The fact that you are breathing at all is a miracle. Remember this
when the world makes you feel like you don’t matter.
The universe who is creator to us all thought you were
a brilliant plan. So it gave you a chance to breathe and exist even when the
probability was so very low, all because you fought to be here and never gave
up. From the moment it thought of you, you had already won a cosmic war.
Don’t stop fighting now. No matter what your mental
illness says, no matter what the world tells you, no matter the odds. You get
up, you look at that night sky, you remember every star that collapsed its own
lungs to bring you to life, you remember their sacrifice, and you get up and