Live a dream and Life to inspire others. By Lukonge Achilees

Many people dream about how they will end up in the future; in a huge house, a fancy car, an apartment surrounded by city lights in a big city dream, or in a mansion alongside the beach with beautiful white sand.

They dream about success in a cliche-kinda-way, they measure success by an exact amount; by something just in the surface without any hidden values underneath.

But not in my case. To live in the middle of millennials generation makes me want to dream bigger and think harder than that; artificial things are too shallow, I want depth, a huge depth more than just something that could be counted.

I want to plant a brilliant seed in people’s mind, I want to invest values inside them; all I want to do in my youth is to inspire.

I want to dedicate my energy to lit up the flames within somebody to grow; to realize that each of us has something inside that needs to be woken up.
I want to be that person who sees passion within everybody’s souls; I want to see the passion they had reflected in their eyes as they speak about the things they love to do.

I want to lit up the fire inside somebody’s dim inner self; I want to be somebody whose positive energy is contagious to each corner of the room.

I want to be the reason someone’s insight; the realization that s/he is actually could be as valuable as gold.
I want to give my time to ignite somebody’s soul; they need to know that they impact their surroundings.

I want to be somebody who will honestly tell the truth; that failures are unavoidable, but it’s not the reason we should stop.
I want to make them immortal; to always pick themselves up if the world tears them down to the ground. I want to be somebody’s caffeine; to insight them that hard work pays off in the end, that everything they did will actually give them result, sooner or later.

I want to be the reason behind somebody’s statement of “I have finally did it.”
I want to be the golden sun rays to the people’s gloomy days. I want to bring the wind that gives them ease as they make their eyes kaleidoscopic with tears.
I want to be their fireflies in the darkness so they know which way to go; I want to be their path just to survive.

I want to make them see the galaxies within themselves; that actually they have the constellation of stars inside them which could lead to a magnificent supernova.

I want to be the person who simply is happy just to see someone’s night sky filled by a glorious shooting star.
I want to dedicate myself to speak the truths through my actions; to make people get what they truly deserve.

I want to be somebody who turns on the light bulb inside someone’s head; to be the source of their ideas, to be the spirit which gives them enthusiasm to implement their bright ideas to come true.

I want to synchronize my own heartbeats to the people; to make them feel how to be, to make them embrace each emotion that they feel, to always make them true to themselves, to always be honest within ourselves.

I want to be that someone who brings somebody’s wall down; to make them brave enough just to open themselves up, to make them vulnerable yet they know how to be stronger.

To be somebody’s place to rest their messed up minds but as well as to be their reminder to begin their race so they can arrive to the finish line.

I want to be their music in their life; so that they can dance towards this battlefield called life; I want to be somebody’s favorite song, to be their mood booster and an escape towards a bad day that they’ve gotten into.

I want to give a message in everything that I do; behind each word that I speak, behind every spaces and lines in my writings. I want to have an impact through the arts that I’ve created; through each moves, smiles, quirks, and the giggles during hard times.

I want to be everybody’s reminder that we are actually never alone. In this confusing life in our 20s, we are in this together and we will surely survive.

I don’t want to be seen as something shallow, I want depth; huge depth which artificial things are not there to be seen. In my 20s, I don’t want artificial things; all I want is to inspire.

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Rules you really dont know for happy marriage. By Lukonge Achilees

1.Respectfulness is oftentimes more important than communication — if your partner doesn’t want to talk, give them the space they need
2. When someone is wrong, don’t keep score
3. “Love your partner the way they need to be loved, not the way you need to be loved” (and take the time to understand Respectfulness is oftentimes more important than communication — if your partner doesn’t want to talk, give them the space they need
2. When someone is wrong, don’t keep score
3. “Love your partner the way they need to be loved, not the way you need to be loved” (and take the time to understand what that means)
4. Don’t punish your spouse for being honest — you won’t always like what they have to say, but punishing them for it will ruin your future communication
5. There’s no such thing as “winning” an argument — if you can’t come to an agreement that satisfies everyone, you’ve both lost
6. You’ll see each other at your grossest, like when you’re vomiting or have diarrhea — don’t use it to humiliate each other later on
7. Be the kind of spouse you would like to have by your side
8. Don’t correct the other person unless it’s important
9. Never hold money against each other
10. Similarly, never make a big purchase without talking to the other
11. Always keep an extra blanket by the bed, just in case you have trouble sharing one night
12. If one person voluntarily cleans something, the other shouldn’t complain about how it was done
13. Give each other alone time, even if you aren’t fighting
14. Never disrespect your partner — not in public, not in front of your friends, and definitely not to your kids
15. 50-5o doesn’t exist, so expect something closer to 60-40 — who gets what will change from time to time
16. Never, ever bring up divorce, even in a joking way — pretend it’s not an option, like doesn’t even exist
17. Cultivate separate interests and encourage one another to pursue them
18. If you have kids, it’s okay to put your spouse first — a healthy marriage will ultimately benefit them
19. Learn to know when you fucked up and apologize sincerely without adding a “but…”
20. Make these rules spoken that means)
4. Don’t punish your spouse for being honest — you won’t always like what they have to say, but punishing them for it will ruin your future communication
5. There’s no such thing as “winning” an argument — if you can’t come to an agreement that satisfies everyone, you’ve both lost
6. You’ll see each other at your grossest, like when you’re vomiting or have diarrhea — don’t use it to humiliate each other later on
7. Be the kind of spouse you would like to have by your side
8. Don’t correct the other person unless it’s important
9. Never hold money against each other
10. Similarly, never make a big purchase without talking to the other
11. Always keep an extra blanket by the bed, just in case you have trouble sharing one night
12. If one person voluntarily cleans something, the other shouldn’t complain about how it was done
13. Give each other alone time, even if you aren’t fighting
14. Never disrespect your partner — not in public, not in front of your friends, and definitely not to your kids
15. 50-5o doesn’t exist, so expect something closer to 60-40 — who gets what will change from time to time
16. Never, ever bring up divorce, even in a joking way — pretend it’s not an option, like doesn’t even exist
17. Cultivate separate interests and encourage one another to pursue them
18. If you have kids, it’s okay to put your spouse first — a healthy marriage will ultimately benefit them
19. Learn to know when you fucked up and apologize sincerely without adding a “but…”
20. Make these rules spoken

Black Saints, 3rd June Every year. Uganda Martyrs Day for all christian believers

How Uganda Martyrs met their death

By Lukonge Achilees

On June 3rd of every year, Uganda commemorates Martyrs’ Day at Namugongo Shrine.

for more information about Uganda martyrs watch videos by visiting this page. https://www.facebook.com/muteesa1royaluniversity/

Every June 03, the world remembers the Uganda Martyrs who were executed between 31 January 1885 and 27 January 1887 by Kabaka Mwanga II for their faith in Jesus Christ. They included 23 Anglican and 22 Catholic.

History

uganda martyrs church kabong ditrict

The arrival of the Christian missionaries, Anglican and Catholic, set the stage for new developments, and marked a turning point in the religious life of the people of Buganda; as well as the political structure of the kingdom and the region at large. The history of Buganda from this point on took a different turn. A social revolution that was to transform all aspects of people’s lives had set in, and the events that followed, unpredictable as they were, added to the discomfort the new changes had brought about. The untimely death of Mutesa I in 1884 just a few years after the arrival of the missionaries, left the kingdom in the hands of Mwanga II, a youth whose ruling style fell far short of the charisma and political astuteness his late father had demonstrated in dealing with the foreigners.

Mutesa had the astuteness and maturity of dealing with conflicting forces that struggled to influence his court. The Arabs (the Moslems), the Catholics (the French or Bafaransa as they were locally called) or the Protestants (the English or Bangereza) operated, of course not without constraint, with some minimal success during his reign. He let his subjects of all ranks to join any creed of their choice. The Arabs also having seen the Christian missionaries’ efforts to convert the local people also diligently started to teach Islam. There was a competitive struggle among the preachers of the new creeds each attempting to assert more influence and recognition among the most influential officials in the inner circle of the king’s court. The king himself never committed to any single creed. The Moslems denounced him for his refusal to be circumcised, and he could not be baptized in the Christian denominations because he did not want to give up polygamy. He died still a traditionalist.

The Christian religion was received with much excitement by the converts but it came with its own requirements. It denounced all the native religious behavior and practices as heathen and satanic. Therefore joining it meant a commitment to break away from the old life style, make and adopt new alliances, and adjust to new moral and religious standards, adherence and allegiance. The new flock of believers ( abasomi, or readers, as they were called) therefore, were seemingly regarded as ‘rebels’ who had transferred their loyalty to new religious systems thus abandoning the old tribal traditions.

Although Mwanga had shown some love for the missionaries as a young prince, his attitude changed when he became king. The once lively and enthusiastic prince in support of the missionaries turned into an intolerant and vicious persecutor of Christians and all foreigners. He felt, with good cause, that the powers and authority his predecessors had enjoyed were dwindling, and had disintegrated under the influence of the missionaries and their converts. The converts had diverted their loyalty to some other authority and their allegiance at all costs could no longer be counted on. For Mwanga, the ultimate humiliation was the insolence he received from the pages when they ( the least subservient of servants) resisted his homosexual advances. According to old tradition the king was the center of power and authority, and he could dispense with any life as he felt, hence the old saying Namunswa alya kunswaze (the queen ant feeds on her subjects). Although homosexuality is abhorred among the Baganda, it was unheard of for mere pages to reject the wishes of a king. (It is alleged that Mwanga learnt or acquired homosexual behavior from the Arabs). Given those conflicting values Mwanga was determined to rid his kingdom of the new teaching and its followers.

It was hardly a year after Mwanga’s assumption of the throne that he ordered the execution of Yusufu (Joseph) Rugarama, Makko (Mark) Kakumba, and Nuwa (Noah) Serwanga the first three Christian martyrs, who were killed at Busega Natete on January 31, 1885. In October of 1885 the Anglican Bishop James Hannington recently dispatched to head the Eastern Equatorial Africa, headquartered in Buganda, was murdered in Busoga on his way to Buganda. Mwanga had ordered his death. Hannington’s crime was to attempt to come to Buganda through Busoga, a shorter route than that employed by earlier visitors who took the route from south of lake Victoria. Buganda’s kings regarded Busoga as a backdoor to Buganda and thought that any one coming through the backdoor must have evil intentions towards the kingdom.

every 3rd June People from all over the world join

Joseph Mukasa Balikuddembe, a senior advisor to the king and a Catholic convert, condemned Mwanga for ordering Hannington’s death without giving him (Hannington) a chance to defend himself as was customary. Mwanga was annoyed that Mukasa would question his actions, and he had him arrested and killed. On Nov. 15 1885; Mukasa became the first Catholic martyr, when he was beheaded at Nakivubo. Between December of 1885 and May of 1886 many more converts were wantonly murdered. Mwanga precipitated a showdown in May by ordering the converts to choose between their new faith, and complete obedience to his orders. Those unwilling to renounce their new faith would be subject to death. Courageously, the neophytes chose their faith. The execution of twenty six Christians at Namugongo on June 3, 1886; was the climax of the campaign against the converts. The last person killed in this crusade, was Jean-Marie Muzeeyi, who was beheaded at Mengo on Jan 27, 1887. The complete list of the known martyrs is given below. The list of forty five known Catholic and Protestant martyrs includes only those who could be formally accounted for, many more murders went unreported and without a record.

Here is the list indicating when, where and how they were killed.

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In his efforts to curb the Christian influence and try to regain the traditional and customary powers and authorities over his subjects, Mwanga was adding more chaos to an already chaotic situation. In the north Kabarega (the king of Bunyoro Kitara a traditional arch enemy of Buganda) was raging, fighting off the pending invasion from the Khedive of Egypt and for sure he never lost his intentions towards Buganda. Further south it was reported that the Germans were annexing territories in the regions of the present Tanzania, and Mwanga was caught in a threatening position. His suspicion of the missionaries was therefore real. Buganda also was experiencing internal strife, the Moslems were plotting to overthrow him and replace him with a Moslem prince. The political upheavals combined with religious instability constrained the country’s moral stamina. The kingdom was thrown into turmoil; Moslems fighting Christians, traditionalists plotting against all creeds, untimely alliances concocted to survive against a common foe and later unceremoniously discarded. The kingdom broke into civil strife during which Mwanga was briefly deposed, although he was able to regain his throne later.

Rather than deter the growth of Christianity, the martyrdom of these early believers seems to have sparked its growth instead. As has been observed in many other instances, the blood of the martyrs proved to be the seed of faith. Christianity (in its various flavours) is now the dominant faith in Buganda and Uganda as a whole. The 22 known Catholic martyrs were declared “Blessed” by Pope Benedict XV in 1920. This is one of the key steps in the catholic tradition that eventually leads to canonization. The 22 Catholic martyrs were indeed canonized by Pope Paul VI on October 18, 1964; during the Vatican II conference. Thus these martyrs were now recognised by the universal church as being worthy of being honored as Saints. This was a first for modern Africa and a source of pride throughout the continent.

To honor these modern saints, Paul VI became the first reigning pope to visit sub-saharan Africa when he visited Uganda in July 1969; a visit which included a pilgrimage to the site of the martyrdom at Namugongo. He also dedicated a site for the building of a shrine church in honor of the martyrs, at the spot where Charles Lwanga was killed. The shrine church itself (shown above), was dedicated in 1975 and it was subsequently named a basilica church, a high honor in Catholicism. Archbishop Robert Runcie of Canterbury, and head of the worldwide Anglican Communion, also came on pilgrimage in January 1984. Pope John Paul II in turn honored the martyrs with his own pilgrimage in February 1993. Every year, June 3rd, when most of the martyrs were killed, is marked as a national holiday in Uganda. It is also marked worldwide on the church calender as a day to honor the Uganda Martyrs. Following is a portrait of the 22 canonized Catholic martyrs.

uganda martyrs Basilica


My Friends, Social workers, one important thing missing into your life “Kindness”-Lukonge Achilees

Lukonge Achilees with A young Mother. from sadness to coziest smile.

In the scheme of things, our lives are a millisecond in history compared to whats happened and what’s to come. As consequence, a majority of us strive to make a mark with little thought to the consequences that come with it. Our days are made up of the main prerogative of looking and analyzing our own success or likeability. Un fortunately, the times when thinking of others comes into play, is either out of benefit towards ourselves or how it comes across to the people we surround ourselves with.

Often times we forget the suffering that other’s outside our lives carry before our own. We forget that our love and understanding can be expansive. We take the kindness that we receive from others for granted and distribute little of our own. We forget to ask questions like: How have others taught me to choose kindness? How am I bringing kindness into my own life, so that I can bring it to others? You’re the start of kind. The people you surround yourself with, how you treat yourself, and the actions that you choose are what it means choose kind. Choosing kindness is more than donating money or calling a long distance friend. It is a daily practice that you choose to bring yourself and the people around you. It is a practice we often forget. To choose kindness we are extending compassion and understanding to our own and others sorrows. We are saying to others and ourselves: I hear you and I am here for you. Which I know sounds a lot like marital counseling advice, but sometimes you need to set aside your pride to accomplish a larger picture. In the end, we are choosing to allow others to speak out and suffer less; this is also the start to learning how to love.

Kindness is often something that I forget to extend to myself. It’s easy to lack understanding when we are looking at our flaws. It’s even easier to lack compassion for ourselves. Often we have the feeling of mediocrity, lack of self worth, and hatred for the things we cannot change. How do you choose kind for yourself? Do you acknowledge these flaws? Do you I hear you and I am here for you to yourself? By pushing aside your own self –hatred and by dismissing the acknowledgement of compassion for yourself you are turning away from kindness. Happiness cannot exist without the acknowledgement of suffering.

Once you can choose kindness for yourself you are able to bring it to others. You are able to extend the same amount of compassion and understanding that you would to yourself. When others treat you with hatred or bring their burdens to you, you should extend your kindness to them. Love is as expansive as you allow it to be. It’s easy to forget that others carry the same burdens that we do. By simply choosing to listen, we are choosing kindness, because we are extending our compassion and understanding to someone other than our self. In part we are starting to create an environment in which people look at you in appositive light and ar able to reflect our actions upon them and the people they love.

You can practice choosing kindness by simply being there for others.  You can make someone’s day easier by doing something for him or her. You can smile and display love in the capacity of offer joy. You have the ability to choose to offer kindness everyday through active listening and the kindness you extend yourself. But more than often we forget, we get frustrated at our own suffering, and we miss the opportunities we have to practice understanding. So while mindful of how we treat others and how we treat others and how treat ourselves, remember to choose kindness.

Can you recall a time somebody was kind to you? Now change the scenario and think of a time you were kind to another person? Call to mind their reaction and how you responded.

Move into your heart and notice the feelings there. If you read no further than this point, you know that kindness affects the user and experience-leaving a lasting impression.

In this fast pace world, kindness and compassion takes a back seat to selfies, self-interest and expendable human interactions.

Every person is waiting is waiting to be discovered or become rich, believing that holds the key to their happiness. Yet when they attain success, they long for their former life having underestimated the trappings of the fame and celebrity.

I enjoy this quote by Professor David W. Orr:

“The plain fact is that the planet doesn’t need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it”

Kindness is fundamental to human existence. We are thrust into the world as newborns and enriched with the kindness of our parents’ nurturing for the following years.

Humans are the only mammals with a prolonged gestation period. Other creatures rely on support for a brief time before becoming self-reliant. We are powerless at birth and depend on our caregivers to provide for our needs.

Therefore, kindness is sewn into the framework of our DNA. We are literally wired for kindness. Each individual has opinions on how to improve world, though no one wants to practice kindness.

Do no harm

World peace will not arise from overthrowing dictatorial powers or ending conflicts between nations. It will happen when humanity raises its consciousness beyond that of fear and hatred.

I have often repeated that peace is only a thought away. Its motives emerge through kind thoughts towards oneself and others.

“Unconditional love flows through specific channels of respect, integrity, purpose, meaning, value, response-ability, forgiveness, kindness, and compassion of our new, naturally ethical lives,” says author and psychotherapist Loch Kelly in Shift into Freedom: The science and practice of open-hearted awareness.

Kindness is not something that demands hard work. It originates from the simple act of doing no harm to others.

It involves judging less; however compelled you might be to do so.  The ego is quick to judge because it is victimized and hurt, so it retaliates in revenge.

Kindness, however, bites its tongue. It does not seek to be right but rather to preserve peace of mind. You gain little by giving someone a piece of your mind, other than inciting and separation. It was the Lebanese-born poet khalil Gibran who wrote:

“I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.”

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see” –Mark Twain

It might be clear to you that fighting force with force is not the way towards peace. But you might ask, does that mean allowing others to treat me unfairly?

No, not by any means, though you needn’t retaliate with overwhelming force. I am not implying you become a doormat; however I urge you to accept the lessons contained within the experience. Are you letting others treat you unfairly on some level? Or unconsciously giving them permission to do so?

“no matter how anyone responds to your kindness, just by repeating out loud the words you didn’t hear often enough or never heard at all, you guarantee yourself to be the one who exists each scene of life more healed, aligned and expanded than the moment before,” affirms author matt Kahn in whatever Arise, Love That that: “A Love Revolution that begins with you.

Benefits of kindness.

Kindness has many benefits including increased happiness and a healthy heart. It slows down the aging process and improves relationships and connections, which indirectly boosts your health.

People believe kindness is particular to those of religious faith because of their moral vows. Kindness does not require you to be of religious faith or even spiritual. Demonstrations of kindness are observed in man’s best friend, the dog. Cats show kindness and are treasured for their emotional connection.

Kindness broadens your life’s frame of reference and is a symbol of respect to value the receiver.

It influences the giver more than the receiver and has correlations with enhanced mental, emotional and physical well being.

People believe kindness signifies weakness and being taken advantage of. Its important to delineate between kindness and being a door mat to others. You can be kind and assertive when others attempt to profit from your kindness.

Author Matt Kahn states:

“When human interactions become a way of practicing self-acceptance by treating others with more patience, kindness, and respect, a constant need to be heard shifts into listening as an act of love”

You should in no way undermine your self-worth at the expense of others, but simply practice kindness while upholding your integrity.

Be kind anyway

It’s no surprise wicked acts have a greater impression on us than acts of kindness. We are alerted to fear more than goodness.

Psychologists believe we are wired to detect that which threatens our survival and happiness. We give attention to acts of cruelty in the news because it is perceived as threat to our survival.

In these times of disingenuous social media interactions, unkindness abounds as people hide behind screens.

This does not make it appropriate to abuse others. There is a person on the other side of the screen with feelings we must take into account.

An important lesson in kindness involves asking yourself:

How would I handle being the recipient of this? If it doesn’t fell good avoid the behavior.

“Hurt is hurt, and every time we honor our own struggles of others by responding with empathy and compassion, the healing that results affects all of us,” avows author and social researcher Brene Brown in Rising Strong.

I wish to leave you with a passage from mother Teresa’s poem titled Anyway, in which she states: “People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.”

Incorporate the smallest acts of kindness into your everyday life and notice the ripple effects.

The butterfly effect in Chaos Theory asserts that a tiny event in one region of the globe can have a substantial effect somewhere else.

Armed with this knowledge, it is the Dalai Lama who reminds us that if you can’t be kind, avoid harming others.

Be unstoppable, dream a new one if the first failed to yield.- Lukonge Achilees

Your life story doesn’t just say what happened, it says why it was important, what it means for the person you are, for who you will become, and for what happens next.

When a chapter ends, another begins and is in our own hands the possibility to write a new and more beautiful story.

Therefore, it’s up to us to focus all our energies not in trying to change our past but to focus all our energy in creating our present moment. The situation doesn’t determine your response. YOU determine your response. Take a moment to pause and remember who you truly are. Take time to reflect on the things that have real and lasting meaning in your life and you wouldn’t guess but…….

DEVELOP THEM

Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that things will never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending Is really a new beginning.

Why actually matters is that you leave the past where it belongs so you can make the best of the life that is still available to be lived. This ending you have experienced is not THE END; it’s just your life beginning again in a new way. It’s a point in your story where one chapter transitions int the next.

YOU get to choose to live in your present and use it as a canvas to create the life that will bring you happiness and joy. No matter how loud those voices call for you. You don’t have to change the scene. Make a difference in your life first and… Keep going. Be hungry for change. Break down those hard-hitting barriers in your life. Push through the hurt you don’t look back. Get out and stay out. Above all, this is not going to be easy but is achievable and beyond worth it.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and every experience that I encounter makes me stronger and challenges are just part of my everyday life. They make me stronger and without them, it becomes somewhat meaningless because I have nothing to compare the good times to. Facing them is a way for me to push myself and see what I am capable of.

Slowly I began realizing the stories I told myself where a key to unlocking my ability to control my internal narrative and how I arrange the plot points of my life into a narrative can shape who I am, — this is a fundamental part of being human.

And from here, in telling the story of how you became who you are, and of who your way to becoming, the story its self becomes a part of who you are.

One thing I always try to remember is that each sunset is to have a new sunrise, so, what story are you telling today?

Your life is what you make of it, so make it a good one

There are certain moments in life that defines you. During those moments, every action and reaction defines how you are going to progress from the point you are currently at.

When things get tough, you seem to have two choices – let your moments define you or get out there and define your moments. For the longest time, I always choose the first one.

I always choose to let everything define me- the events of life, the moments of life, and the tough parts of life. I played victim, simply because that’s how I would always let the big part of life be my story… when in fact, I had the opportunity to make my story WHATEVER I wanted. Nothing defines me, unless I allow it to.

We all have our own story to tell about our own lives. Hearing someone tell their story is quite incredible, very rarely will you hear someone tell their story- a story drenched in truth, seen through their eyes and told through their words. However sometimes, hearing someone tell his or her story can be incredibly heartbreaking. Especially if that person has written their story off as a sad story, full of negativity and no hope in sight.

A simple conversation with a girl friend recently changed my view on how my story could be told. I was down on my luck at the time, I felt like a certain situation had taken control of my life and I began to feel like my story was “sad” and that’s when she hit me with her knowledge.

“There is nothing sad about it” was a quote was one she had come across years ago.

She then explained why she sent it onto me “it’s a thing where I went from self-pity and hating myself to still struggling, sometimes even daily, but fighting against any though of any part of my story being sad. Are there sad parts, yes? Does that make my life sad, no?”

 Things happening in life make m want to fall back into those old patterns of thinking that my story. But it’s not. I have to actively choose to define my moments, to be UNSTOPPABLE, to be a force of nature, to not let the tough part of life defines my actions. Sometimes you simply have to take a step back and evaluate the things that are putting you in that mindset.

Do you take the victim route because you are hurting? Do you take it because you don’t know any other way? Do you take that route because it’s easier for you to play victim instead of dealing with things? That was my thought process for a long time. I would play victim, I would allow myself to revel in hurl, and I would allow myself to throw pity parties. I am not saying that I am perfect and that I don’t want  to think that way, but the one thing I know is that type of behavior will not get me anywhere in life.

People seem to want to take the easy way put when it comes to their emotions, but expect other people to do the hard work and face their emotions, fears and frustrations in mature manner.

Don’t be like that.

Don’t be a victim

Don’t be a vindictive person.

Don’t be contradictory with your standards for human emotions. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature.  Stand strong in your beliefs. Stand strong in your actions. Define your life, don’t let it define you.

And always remember, parts of your story may be sad and life might be in a tough spot – but in the grand scheme of things..There is NOTHING sad about it. Your story is unique, your story is you and ultimately your story is what you make it.

I’m a Young mother but Learning slowly by slowly what It means to be a Mother> Zam Namatovu

Zam Namatovu with Lukonge Achilees during enterview

I’m slowly learning that I will never feel alone ever again because I am the mother to twins and that will never change. As far as realizations go, this is both liberating and terrifying. Liberating in that living with unconditional love in your heart frees you from seeking love out. Terrifying in that loving someone so hard makes you vulnerable to hurt and pain. Along with every memorable moment, there’s the possibility that something might go horribly wrong at any time.

I’m slowly learning that my life has changed. I’m no longer able to do the things that were once easy, mostly for logistical reasons. I cannot meet a friend for coffee or a drink at the last minute because socializing requires quite a bit of forethought. I can’t indulge a whim to hit the town at night without planning far in advance, or paying for a babysitter. My day-to-day existence has shifted permanently to accommodate my little one. But I’m not at all resentful. I want to be with my twins pretty much always anyway. i want to forget scary memories.

I’m slowly learning that my own needs are secondary to those of the tiny creatures I’ve created. Not because I’m an especially generous or kind individual, but because that’s what being a mom entails. There’s no avoiding it, really. When your babies needs to eat, you instinctively feed them. When they need a new diaper, you don’t let them sit in their soiled nappy for longer than absolutely necessary. When they cry, you work to soothe them.

I’m slowly learning that when you’re a mom, you can no longer be so particular about things. You eat what you can, when you can. You won’t always be entirely sated, but you’ll barely register lack of satisfaction since there simply isn’t enough time. You get your nails done and your hair cut far less frequently than before, not because you’re any less vain, but because you forget to care about your own appearance. You exercise if and when you get the chance, if and when you have the energy. At some point, it becomes easier to recall how many poopy diapers you changed the day before than what you ate for lunch that very afternoon.

I’m slowly learning that being a mom is all-consuming. You never get to stop being a mom. Ever. And that’s the beauty of it. Parenthood is a cloud that hovers over you at all times—sometimes bright, fluffy, and purely innocuous, other times suspiciously dark and foreboding.

I’m slowly learning that I’m a different person now. And that that’s okay. It would be impossible to remain the same. I am my former self, plus motherhood. I am not saying that being a mom requires abandoning every aspect of your former identity, or becoming better in any way. But it does require making tough choices, and learning. It demands stripping your old self down to her core, and choosing which pieces of her are worth preserving, and which pieces you’re better off jettisoning. It requires taking a hard look at yourself through the eyes of the person who’s pretty much programmed to adore you and to mimic your every move. It requires softening your heart, and toughening your soul.

To all mothers and Single Moms. dedicated to single teenage mothers at Pelletier Teenage mothers foundation (PTMOF) My work place.

some of teenage Mothers at Pelletier teenage mothers foundation (PTMOF)

Hi Moms,

Let me start out by saying how much you should be loved and appreciated. I know recently a lot has been said on the internet about the value of moms and the dream that some young girls and women have of one day becoming a mother. If there are women reading this that have no desire to get married of have kids, that’s perfectly fine. The beauty of your life is that you choose what is a priority and you get to set your own list of goals. If the top of that list is to raise me, then by all means, go for it. I am already a mother too,  I have to be strong, self supportive,  no matter the challenges.

The unfortunate thing is that, for some reason, the role of a mom has been looked at as giving up on your dreams or settling. While it may apply to some who never wanted to be a mother, I’m willing to bet the vast majority of moms don’t look around at their children and think, “Wow, what an absolute waste.” Being a full time mom is a tough job, and like all other jobs, I’m sure there are days when you want to get in the car, drive to the nearest bar, and start throwing back shots of tequila like your life depended on it.

On the other hand, the joy of seeing your child walk on his/her own, or count to ten for the first time would have to be the most incredible feeling in the world. You created this moment. You raised and nurtured this tiny being and look at the abilities he’s/she’s obtained. That’s because of you. Later on in life you get to see that same child that you poured values into, and that you held next to you in the bed after he/she had a bad dream walk across a stage and receive a diploma for completing school. How do you describe the pride and honor you feel or raising a child that is now a contributing part of society and could go on to save lives or to cure diseases? You may not have your name on a plaque or climbed the corporate ladder, but a human life has been shaped and molded because of you.

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert of feminism and go on some rant about defining the roles of each gender. My feeling was that feminism is supporting a woman’s right to choose the path for her life and accomplish the dreams that she has, no matter how difficult those may be. What sort of backwards thinking would give anyone the right to say, “No, your dream is stupid and therefore it’s invalid and a waste of time.” Moms, I appreciate the work you do and I don’t think for one second that if your dream was to be a mom you’ve done anything wrong. I mean, without moms none of us would be here, right?

I was lucky enough to grow up with a mom who stayed at home and took care of us. It’s a luxury that some don’t have because we all can’t afford nannies or cleaning ladies or personal shoppers. My mom was there for me when I felt like I was completely alone in the world. She worked hard to raise her children and would do it all over again. I appreciate the service that my mom provided to our family. If you’re a mom reading this, then obviously I don’t have to tell you the joys you find in being a mother or even a wife, if that’s applicable to you too. What I do want you to know is that you are valuable and you are a vital part of society. Don’t let anyone diminish your accomplishments or look down on you. Thank you for everything that you do. 

Truth is, there will never be enough times I can say those precious words “thank you” to match what you have done for me.

I sit here and think about all of the milestone moments in my life, and it’s no coincidence that you were right there with me through all of them. You are my backbone even if we are miles apart or when I get chance to snuggle up with you and watch one of our favorite shows and pretend I am a kid again.

Every call and every time I am in need of help, advice, support, or any other mischief you can think of, you are always the first to respond no matter how tired or worn out you may be that day. You have always been the most compassionate and caring human and it constantly makes me want to be a better person. As I grow older, I can only hope to be even a fraction of an incredible human as you are.

Mom, you are the biggest inspiration in my life and I would be nowhere without you, (I mean I wouldn’t even be born), but more than that. You have given me my genes, my physical traits, yes, but beyond that, and more importantly, you have given me my heart. You have consistently shown me unconditional love and support throughout my life. You taught me the power of altruism and putting others before you, even when they will not do the same for you. You have taught me to love, and to always be kind to whomever you meet. You have taught to go for my dreams and that nothing is too far out of reach if I want it.

One day I wish I could repay you for everything you have done for me, but frankly, there is no gift and no perfect equivalent to the amount of impact you have had on my life.

I love you beyond words, Mom. And even though I may not say it enough, thank you, for everything.

My friend’s letter to single mothers from her journal called Journal of Prosy

Having a complete family is all I ever dreamed of. Yet throughout all the years, somehow, my mom embodied everything I needed in a father and much more.

It was my mother who told me to be strong when I was having a hard time making friends back in grade school. I used to beg her to go with me school just so I could have someone to eat lunch with. Being surrounded by grown-ups my whole life, interacting with people my age was hard for me; yet she wiped all my tears and reminded me that things would always get better, I just needed to keep my head up.

My mother taught me to always fight for what I believe in and to never back down. To posses the spirit of a true fighter, just like her. When bullies called me names and made me feel terrible about myself, she defended me. She told me to be strong because one day I’d eventually have to be strong without her. She said that I needed to learn how to stand on my own two feet and that all these trials I was experiencing were going to build character. So I became strong, I learned that I could overcome just about anything.

My mother showed me success should never be flaunted and nothing worth having ever comes without hard work. Not once did she ever brag to me about her position, nor did she ever believe in buying expensive things that didn’t serve any purpose. She consistently reminded me that money did’t grow on trees. My only supporter, she shouldered all the expenses in our family, paying for my tuition, all my school supplies, allowance and providing me with everything I need. Things I could never repay her for.

My mother revealed to me the secrets of being a good person, mainly the ability to say sorry. Sorry to all those you’ve hurt and the acceptance of your mistakes. We say sorry because we mean it, or else it’s not worth anything. We say sorry because we take responsibility for our actions and we learn to grow from the forgiveness that others give us. That is the lesson she blessed me with.

My mother motivated me by listening when I talked about all my hopes and dreams: my future restaurants, my future coffee shop, my future museum, my creative director dreams etc. We would go on long car rides and talk for hours, or chat even when we were stuck in traffic, just laughing over the silliest things. I would always ask her for advice and she gave it freely. I have never been more comfortable with anyone.

But the most important lesson my mother taught me is to love others with all my heart without needing anything in return. The way she loves me every single day.

My mother listened to all my problems without any judgement (or hesitation to give her two sense). She showed me what it really means to be a good person, who respects others no matter their position in life: waiters, security guards, shop keepers etc. because they all deserve our respect as people. She taught me that no matter what age you are, learning never stops. That every single day we live our lives we grow in maturity. We learn to be more considerate towards others; we try and understand those who hurt us and how to be a decent human being.

The relationship between my mother and I has always been an open one, where I can always be myself. But the most important lesson my mother taught me is to love others with all my heart without needing anything in return. The way she loves me every single day.

She held my hand at night when I couldn’t sleep because of the horror movies I watched on the computer. She cared for me enough to nag me every single day for simple things like eating my vitamins, or to send me text messages on the latest current events, always reminding me to be safe and take care of myself. She patiently picked me up from late committee meetings even though she was tired coming from work because she knew that I enjoyed what I was doing and she fully supported it. Thank you, MomAnd thank you to all the moms out there.Thank you for all the things you’ve done and continue to do every single day. For all the times you put your children first and brought home your favorite food, even though you wanted the last bite. For staying up with us, listening attentively to all our problems or when we just needed to vent . For all the times your hugs felt like home. But most importantly, thank you for being you. Because one thing is for sure, we would not be the people we are today, without you. We love