I am Ready to take care of my twins. The young Mother who gave birth at 16 Vowed.

I am A social Worker, no daubt about that, i am Author, i am working with young mother, I would like their stories to be heard and their faces to be seen: to portray teen mothers in their living and working environments, collect their testimonies and show the consequences of early pregnancy.

During interview with the young mother, she expressed her life story.

And the moment that I have been anticipating for days, months, and years even has come. I took a deep breath and pushed down my baby with own power while I followed my body. Before my breath finished, my first baby came sliding out of me and the next follows. While I exhaled, I quietly said that they are born. They put my twin into my arms even before cutting their umbilical cord. They were warm, wet, soft, and smelled sweet. They screamed joyfully, and I thanked them repeatedly for giving me this wonderful experience. The doctors and nurses were looking on at that remarkable moment when our twin joined my family, confused, happy, and teary eyed. They stared at us with questioning expressions because they had just watched a birth so vastly different from the fearful births they had witnessed in the past—fearfulness that resulted from the negative birth stories that have been handed down to women for years especially women who passed through difficult life and have eroded their confidence and power regarding birth. How had it come to this?

In the beginning of 2017, my father died, following the mother, who was deceased before, the elder sisters suggested that everyone was to start living on his or her own. Being the last born at the age of 18, I decided to come to kampala to look for some work to do. Later got a job as a maid; I only managed to work for few months since I was always suffering from a severe headache and brutality from my bosses. Later I went back to village where I met a man aged 23 who promised to take good care of me. I came to town with a man and lived together for one week. Later, I went to look for another job. After some few weeks i realized that, I missed my periods that I am pregnant, I went back to a man’s place to tell him about the news. The man denied the pregnancy and told me never to come back looking for him.

By that time, no jobs, and lost focus and hope, I started living on streets and in churches. I went to the village. Elder sisters got mad about the pregnancy and they advised to abort. I resisted, not killing the innocent baby, I was chased away from home,I felt that everything was over, no hope, no money, and no any assistance.

I went back to Kampala but no where to stay, I started living in churches like Christian life church of pastor Jackson Ssenyonga in Bwaise, and Miracle center cathedral of Pastor Robert Kayanja Lubaga where I was receiving some help from the volunteers.

So, the matter worsens, she went back to streets, sleeping on verandas, and tree shades for couple of weeks, she met a woman called Musawo Jane in Bwaise, she gave her tea and what to eat, she told a bodaboda rider to take her to Lubaga miracle center cathedral of Pastor Robert Kayanja, she spent their 2 weeks since they was still chased because it is prohibited to deliver from church, she went again back on streets.

I walked with my baby inside right from Lubaga heading where I don’t know, sometimes the sunshine and heavy rain barely hit, stopped on the church called worship house of pastor Wilson Bugembe, slept there one day, and heading to a health center called Kawempe Mulago where she stayed 5 days getting medicine and other post natal care for free, because I explained my story to doctor, he was touched and decided to help me for free. From there, I continued the Journey, walking while sleeping on people’s retail shops, petrol stations, verandas, and streets; I went back to Christian life church.

Forty weeks and 5 days into the pregnancy, my Twins and I were still together. In life I don’t wished anyone to live in, I felt their movements less now—they were smaller than they had been but stronger. My friends on streets, in churches, at least 20 people checking on me every day where I used to sleep on cement to ask when I will give birth and scaring me by saying things like, “What if something’s wrong with the baby?” no one among my brothers and sisters wanted to know about my life, My mother and Father up in the sky/heaven may be were watching and praying for me, and waiting impatiently for their first grandson, constantly saying, “It’s high time the baby made an appearance.” Because they used to say that when they are still alive, they loved me so much. I became so fed up, especially in the last 10 days of my pregnancy. I suggested to the close friends-to-be that they not tell anyone the approximate birth date to avoid similar experiences.

I made myself believe that my Twins would be born in the night, having heard somewhere that animals that sleep in the daytime birth in the night and vice versa (which seemed to show that privacy and protection are important in nature.) In the weeks and days leading up to my due date, I tried my best to go to sleep in people’s houses, or people’s veranders early every day so as not to be tired when I finally went into labor. I would fall asleep rubbing my abdomen and thinking, “Maybe I’ll smell you tonight babies.” But when morning came, I would wake to find my babies was still saying, “Good morning, mommy!” from my womb.

It was another such morning when I went to the toilet of one of good Samaritan and saw the first thrilling sign that the birth was finally going to happen. I had to go to nearby church to pray, There came a lady dressed well, totally in the same age group, she was from Pelletier teenage mothers foundation (PTMOF) it was the first sign that Miracle exists, and God is always there for the poor, she told me about the services they are offering, at first I was in fear of strangers but finally I trusted her since we met at the church.

She leads me to where she stay, I found older woman at home, to find that she was the mother of that lady I met, but I told them everything I passed through, then, after, they tried to link me to my older brothers and sisters who chased me, but all in vain, in the end, they sent me back to my Sister Called Namatovu Zaina to first deliver, then I will come back to acquire skills. Since the organization don’t accommodate mothers due to its little facilities.

Reaching to My Sisters home, Waves from my other sisters and brothers ordering my sister to chase me from her home, because I was pregnant at young age. Looking to the situation, at home, I developed feelings to escape from my sister’s home to go back to street. On the street, the contractions became more frequent. I put my hand on my abdomen and could feel uterine contractions, but they were not bothering me at all.

At around 2:00 a.m., I put my hand on my abdomen. Because of the stories of labor pains that I still had in my mind, however, I didn’t think they could be birth contractions. I went to church of Pastor Jackson Ssenyonaga.

While at the church, I suddenly felt nauseous and vomited I could sense an amazing cocktail of hormones flowing through my body. I had never felt so happy, energetic, and motivated. These were the last moments of my babies inside me, and I was enjoying it! I went to Mulago hospital. The on-duty doctor put a hand on my abdomen and said, “The contractions are severe. I think I should examine you.” I lay on the examination couch and he made a vaginal examination. The doctor told me that they are Twins! I said what!?

This is exactly what happened in my birth. Overcome by a sensation like the thrill you get at the moment you parachute off a mountainside and shout out with joy at the top of your voice, I screamed uncontrollably.

Realizing that the doctor, Mrs Alice from PTMOF was already in the house and the nurse were all staring at me in amazement, I told them, “Everything’s okay, don’t worry. There is no pain, just a sudden adrenaline rush. I settled myself back onto the bed and felt the urge to push. My body position was as straight as possible. I took a deep breath and pushed my first baby downward with all my power. “Push slowly,” my birth doctor warned me. “The baby’s coming too fast. After few minutes, I pushed the second baby! Doctor told me! Again “Push slowly,” I’ll have to do an episiotomy.” But I just could not slow myself down. In my terms, it was a natural birth throughout.

I was in a state of shock after the delivery, unable to believe my Twins was now in my arms. It was 3:15 a.m. Just 25 minutes had passed since I had gone into the delivery room. The birth was not the way some people had described it. It was totally painless, joyful, exciting, and quick. My Twins was so good, Looking healthy. At first, They greeted the world with loud screams, presumably because of the effects of the hormone cocktail, but they calmed down after they was cradled in my arms and heard me say, “Welcome, my Twins. I have been waiting for you for so long. I love you so much, do not cry.” They began looking around curiously with their eyes wide open. One named Wasswa Miracle and the other named Kato Favour.

From hospital, I came with Madam Alice at the centre, where I was given a room to look after my little young ones, as well as learning hairdressing to be equipped with skills. It is now a year living at Pelletier teenage mothers foundation, my twin’s looks very heathy and energetic, I am glad to be part of my new family.
I am thankfu for all the support. May God bless you!

After told me the story I Asked about her dreams, she mentions two things: she would love to raise her twins well, and be able one day to return to school. She cannot afford either.

Unfortunately every year the same tragedy touches thousands of Ugandan girls: 39% of women in Uganda under the age of 19 have already had a child or are pregnant. Most pregnancies are the result of rape or other sexual abuses, including survival sex. The consequences are extremely serious: school drop-outs, mental health problems, family and social rejection, forced marriage, domestic violence, increased poverty and children sent away as restavecs (a modern type of slavery). The impact is also considerable on the well-being and functioning of society as a whole.

Some time ago I started meeting women, young girls and older women, who became mothers much too early. I wanted to listen to their life stories and look into their eyes, which often say more than words.
These women are one of the reasons I came to Nansana Uganda and joined the mission. Being aware of the daily struggles of Ugandans is very important and motivational for my work.

I would like their stories to be heard and their faces to be seen by others as well, which is why I started the “My GIHAPOAF” project. The objective is to portray teen mothers in their living and working environments, collect their testimonies and show the consequences of early pregnancy.
I also ask women about their dreams. “These are usually very ‘ordinary’: return to school, have the family together, find a job, ensure a better future for their kids, stop being abused, be happy.”
I truly believe that we should, and can, strive to make these ‘ordinary’ dreams come true.

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The Best Book for Parents and Social Science Students. Make Me Understand Family, Parenting and Health is now near to you.

Welcome to a comprehensive book guide from strategist designed to make you an expert. Here, a book recommended by everyone, and it hits the list of all well executed fascinating parenting books ever written by experts.

Make Me Understand about Family, Parenting and Health by Lukonge Achilees.

Wath Book Trailer

Best of the Best Parenting Books recommended, this Book hitted

How to talk so kids will losten and listen so kids will talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, Siblings without Rivalry by Adele faber and Elaine Mazlish, Peaceful parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham, Playful Parenting, by Lawrence J Cohen, Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, Toddler Discipline For Every age and stage by Aubrey Hargis, The whole Brain child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina payne Bryson, No drama discipline by Daniel J Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. Two year old by Louise Bates Ames, Becoming attached by Robert Karen, All joy and No fun by Jennifer Senior, When pattners become parents by Carolyn pape Cowan and Phillip A cowan, Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, The child, The Family and the outside world by D. W. Winnicott, No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury, Second Shift by Arlie Hochschild, The drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller, Queen Bees wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, How to hug a porcupine by Julie A. Ross, M. A, Unequal Childhoods by Annet Lareau, Super Nomal by Meg Jay, The body keeps the Score by Bessel Van der kolk, The gardener and the carpenter by Alison Gopnik, Philosophical Baby by Alison Gopnik.

All these books are good, really classy but all has one common thing, they are specific to one or two stages of development, Kids, or Toddlers.

Then this book Make me Understand Family, Parenting and health, written by Lukonge Achilees, is the only book ever written by a black Author that can have a space in all those books mentioned above, really it comes in number 15

Many things that can place this book over the others namely,

It is comprehensive, gives you the content you need to raise and parent from Infant to Adolescence, no book covers all the stages, well and in good simple English good to understand, it has 776 pages.

It is written like a novel, Author takes you into a journey of parenting without skiping a single stage, written in a story like, not boring, very entertaining filled with examples and illustrations well printed in coloured. and is very educative.

The Book Content

From the Author

Book description, Why he wrote this book.

Are you eager to know more about the Author, Worry not.

This book has insightful step by step guide that show you what you can do and expect from Child development and parenting Infants 0-2 year, Child development and parenting Early Childhood, Child development and Parenting 3-7 years, Child development and parenting Midle childhood, 8-11 year, Child development and parenting Adolescents 13-24 years, and the last part of Children and Internet addiction in families.

The Author start showing you simple tips that can give you a hook to the journey of the book.

Tips illustrated by Author

Grab Your Copy from Amazon, Make a review and Recommend it to your friend.

http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18509557.Lukonge_Achilees

Call +256757001147 +256785435407

Email: archileeslukonge@gmail.com

Monday is knocking! How to Beat Anxiety at Work Tips from MRU Experts

I’ve been staring at this computer screen for what seems like several hours. It hasn’t been.

I keep getting interrupted. And with each knock at the door, I can feel my blood pressure spike.

How am I supposed to get any work done?

As I sit in my chair staring at the screen, my muscles tense. I begin to reach for my phone; maybe some music will alleviate this overwhelming feeling.

There’s another knock at the door.

The way today is going, I will need some expert help in how to overcome anxiety at work.

As a social worker, I’ve helped dozens find ways to self-soothe. It can be difficult for us to find our own effective ways, however.

We all have a personal blind spot that can obstruct our ability to conceptualize solutions to our emotional wellness.

To help us see through these personal blind spots, our health bloggers will provide their best tips to overcome anxiety at work.

Marion Akatusaasira.

She knows a lot about beating anxiety and has been featured in many great resources. In fact, she has even developed an amazing eWorkbook to help you with just that!

“As a therapist it seems even more important to make sure I’m handling my stress at work, since I am there to support my clients who are working through their own difficulties and anxiety. I try to remember that my own wellness is just as important and one of the biggest tools I have for helping others, so I make sure to take short breaks in between sessions to stretch or make a warm drink. I also take walks during longer breaks to clear my mind, make sure I am involved in regular supervision, and check in with myself regularly to identify what my needs are in that moment.”

Joan Kirabo
This is a biggie for me. I am the type of person who gets stressed out extremely easy. As a woman in recovery, this can lead to bad decisions that I will later regret. At work, it’s not possible to simply grab a journal or go to town on a punching bag. I have had to learn not to take everything personally and be defensive because that’s how I always was. Now in situations that lead to anxiety and stress, I simply take a time out even if it’s for 30 seconds. Take a deep breath or two or three and tell myself that if this is the worse thing that happens today then I will be fine, it’s nothing. I collect my thoughts, refocus, and carry on with my work duties. It has done wonders for my mental health and letting my anxiety get the best of me.”

Doroth Namagembe
I try to step back and recognize where a situation that is causing me stress falls on the spectrum of seriousness. Is it a life-threatening crises or a bump in the road? Most things that get in the way are bumps in the road that respond to self-care. When I’m taking care of myself stressors are easier to manage and move past. Did I sleep enough? Exercise? Eat? I use grounding techniques and mindfulness, may take several deep breaths and distract myself by doing a different task, or even roll my eyes and let out a couple properly placed expletives. And then I make a plan for how to deal with the situation and move on. Life is too short to get knocked off track by a bump.”

Waliggo Keneth
“I struggle terribly with anxiety at work, not helped by the fact I work in an open plan office so it’s hard to shut myself away. I find when I’m stuck at my desk and can’t take a walk to a quieter part of the building, I put my headphones in and listening to calming music or a podcast to drown out all the internal and external chatter and focus my energy on one thing.”

Luswata Shafik

“I work from home, blogging full-time and swear by taking regular breaks to stop myself from getting overwhelmed. During these breaks, I’ll go for a walk, make a hot drink, or simply go for a wander around my house. Getting a workout in as soon as I wake up has also helped my anxiety (and depression) TONS this year. Making time for self-care, such as keeping up with personal hygiene, eating regular meals, and getting the right amount of sleep, is also crucial.”

Namatovu safinah
“Feeling anxious at work is a common, but difficult problem to address. Everyone has different work environments and some tips work better than others. When I have anxiety at work I like to try breathing exercises, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my work (if in customer service, try these when you have some down-time or don’t have to address customers right away). To feel more energized, try breathing in slowly as deep as you can and then release about 2/3 of that breath and repeat. This is known to increase adrenaline (but may not help all forms of anxiety). Another breathing exercise is box-breathing, taught to me by a former therapist. She mentioned soldiers in the army are even taught box-breathing to help them relax and focus in stressful situations! To start, breathe in slowly for a 4 second count, then hold your breath for 4 seconds. Exhale slowly for a 4 second count and then hold your breath again for about 4 seconds. You can picture drawing each side of a box in your mind to help you stay mindful during this activity. If I am unable to complete breathing exercises, I like to make gratitude lists or to-do lists so I feel happier and more accomplished during my work day, relieving some of my anxiety. In need of one more tip if you’ve tried these before? Talk to someone- yes, it’s simple but very effective. Don’t bottle up your emotions and expect them to go away, or better yet, expect everyone to understand why you are anxious. Share how you feel! Hopefully some of these tips apply to your work environment and help you throughout your work day

Betty Kwagala
A simple way to handle stress is to rate your feelings from 1-10. Start by identifying it at 1 and 2 when the stress is minimal. As it increases to a 3 or 4, pay attention. Most people can feel themselves getting upset but tend to ignore it hoping the feelings will go away on their own. The earlier you can identify what’s happening, the more likely you will prevent the stress from escalating into hurtful behavior. Focus on identifying one or two early warning signs like an increased heart rate or muscle tension to signal when you need to practice self-care. Create a self-care plan with a list of soothing activities to help you calm down in the heat of the moment.
Goreth
Because I work from home, I have a lot of freedom when it comes to handling my stress and anxiety. When I’m stressed, I’ll use some lavender and bergamot essential oils in my oil diffuser, turn on my Himalayan salt lamp, and play meditative music in the background. I also like to have my healing crystals near me, such as amazonite, rose quartz, and amethyst. I know these things are kind of far out there for most people, but they truly help ground and relax me!”

Janet
My motto is to try everything! At the same time! Different things work for different people and the more tools you have in your anti-anxiety arsenal, the more likely you are to succeed. Here are a few of my favorite tools for starters: A) Monitor your body for tension and shallow breathing B) Balance work stress with self care C) Establish healthy boundaries D) Do your best to remain objective and avoid catastrophizing whatever is going on E) Visualize yourself as a calm and confident person (I know this one sounds woo-woo, but just try it!
) With that being said, I have to say that what has made the BIGGEST difference for me has been changing jobs. Battling anxiety while performing tasks that you’re not into, with people you don’t click with, and under pressure to give more than is healthy is a giant suck-fest. But facing your fears so that you can pursue your passion and purpose is a battle that’s actually worth fighting!”

Ben Okot
Feeling overwhelmed and anxious at work is difficult to manage. One way that I’ve found to be very helpful is to switch tasks. This allows my energy to be focused into something neutral so my mental fortitude is rebuilt. If I can’t change tasks, I will change my work environment- maybe the client and I will go for a walk during our session or I could complete paperwork sitting in a different work area. These tricks have done wonders for overcoming anxiety at work.

These 10 experts have found various ways to defeat those feelings of overwhelm at work. So what advice have you taken from their tips?

There are some clear similarities, yet each person has tied in something unique that enhances their personal values.

I encourage you to give these tips a try. Don’t be afraid to make it about you.

What is it that you need in that moment?

Inevitably, when we can slow ourselves down and make a meaningful change, we regain those feelings of self-control and overcome feelings of anxiety.

What tips do you have to manage your anxiety at work? Leave a comment for others!

As a social worker, should I keep sharing personal stories with the families I am working with?

As part of a learning day for my course to become a practice educator we were required to speak with students about experiences and challenges around boundaries.

The day focused on the dynamic between professionalism and relationship building. We focus on this a lot in social work education, but do we come back to this in practice?

What do we share and what do we not? How do we maintain professionalism yet build a warm, relationship which is compassionate? We can of course do both but perhaps not in every context. How do we approach those difficulties where the personal infringes on the professional? How do we prevent the barrier being created or is there always going to be a barrier? I thought deeply about this and realised that I perhaps had not been thinking much about this in recent practice.

During an assessment with a family in the last few weeks the father asked me if I had a partner. I froze and became a little flustered. I explained poorly that I didn’t want our working relationship to be affected. It was a clumsy response, which I realised in the moment.

‘Too informal’

I explained that I was conscious of our relationship becoming too informal, which may have a detrimental impact further down the line if my assessment concluded that he may have posed a risk to his child in respect of violence in his relationship with his partner.

He understood my point, but I couldn’t help thinking I could have reacted better and could have been better prepared. I remembered that when I was first qualified I thought about potential questions that may crop up when working with families and how best to respond in a manner which was professional, yet open and respectful.

I realised I had become possibly complacent in my practice where I had not thought about expectation setting in terms of the relationship with this family. I had spent time with the family, talking with them about how they wanted me to raise any concerns I had and how best to do this in a manner which was respectful for them. But I realised I had not had a conversation about how we talk with one another and possible dilemmas that may have come up relating to this.

This was particularly relevant with this family as we were meeting weekly. I am aware that I use stories around my own background to build rapport with people that I work with, but had become complacent by not giving sufficient thought to how this contributes to the context of interactions with families. In sharing stories about myself I was inviting a tone to the interaction.

I hadn’t thought deeply enough about how this may lead to questions that may freeze me. I was conscious when reflecting that I didn’t change how I practised i.e. to move away from sharing parts of me as I do feel it is important.

Stop sharing stories?

What I realised was that I need to think more deeply about how this may lead to me facing questions that I may not feel comfortable answering. This leads to somewhat of a practice dilemma for me, how I can expect families to share personal intimate stories from their lives but then freeze when I am asked in return? Do I dispense with sharing stories about me? Stories for example about my own experiences of parenting and how I may resolve conflict?

I am aware that a lot of people may argue yes I should and that advice and strategies can be shared without the link to my personal life but I’m unsure. I feel from experience it can help reduce the impact of the power imbalance inherent in the practitioner-client relationship.

I think that each relationship is different but what I find useful is “warming the context” and “relational reflexivity”. Two ideas from the systemic family therapy thinker, John Burnham, both focus on the need to think about “talking about the talk”. Warming the context relates to thinking with families how you wish to work with one another and taking time to think about how this may pan out. Relational reflexivity is similar but focuses specifically on the relationship.

What frustrates me is that more recently I have not practiced what I have preached; I am aware of the importance of warming the context and relational reflexivity but this has not always translated to action.

Sometimes social work can become more about doing than thinking, with the nature of the system creating fast-paced, action-based practice.

Power

I have thought about the importance of supervision in bringing you back to curious thinking and how practising potential conversations with families is hugely beneficial. There tends to be this belief that more experienced practitioners are more skilled in practice. This may be true in terms of knowledge, but we are not all perfect, and every family practitioners have the privilege of working alongside is different with new challenges in conversations.

There is a need to continually develop skills in conversation and within relationships; to balance the power and curiosity needed to be an excellent practitioner is a challenge at any level of experience.

The power imparted in the social work role leads me to be the one who sets the tone of the interactions. I need to be mindful that my approach in using stories about me will invoke certain responses.

Most questions would be fine with me but asking about my own relationship clearly provoked discomfort in this case. I attempted to use my learning in this area with the family I was working with; at a later stage in the assessment I made the point of sharing with the family how I respected and welcomed their openness about their private lives especially as this was an in-depth assessment where I had not known the family for very long.

I spoke with the family about my dilemmas and my frustration in how I responded in the moment; I felt it necessary to be transparent considering the influence I have over conversations.

The process of reflection in this area has been useful; it has helped realise how important the need to engage in thinking about what I bring to interactions and how to talk about the talk is necessary on a regular basis. This cannot be merely tokenistic and I need to guard against complacency.

In saying this, it is important to remember that social workers are not robots; we are humans working with humans considering deeply emotive issues. The responsibility invested in the role leads itself to be challenging, if we have supportive structures around us to continually be thinking curiously then we can hopefully be of help to children and families.

Lukonge Achilles is a proffesional social worker working with PTMOF and MADIPHA

To Rema and all Ladies out their, understand when to let go.

I know Rema lost the battle at unexpected moment. I know there could be many reasons as to why she surrendered, those we could mimic, and those we dont know.

But, according to what Kenzo wrote yesterday in the last lines of his fairwell separation letter to Rema Namakula said,

“Yogayoga (Congratulations) Mr. Sebunya, yagala Rema, (Love Rema) your a man of her dreams, your the reason why she made such a big decision. She is living her dreams”

When you quote that statement, you could get answers , to me, Rema played a big role toward breakup, she had someone special she felt and liked to marry in future. But Kenzo was still loving her, to me he only lacked some basics that explain what marriage is, what you should do etc, this might be because of his young age and fame and popularity, since he raised his music talent at young age to become international star.

Rema being a top female musician in Uganda, she had dreams, She married Eddy Kenzo not because of love, not because they share same characters and personality, not because he was man of her dreams but Fame and popularity of Eddy Kenzo.

Rema played on minds of Ugandans, seeking attention for us to feel pitty for her about her relationship with Kenzo, she behaved as if Kenzo is Bad, dont love her, dont take care of her, dont give her time, she even expressed her feelings in her top hits like “Sirimuyembe” (iam not a mango that you wait to ripe). She did all that, to play kenzo victim in their relationship to pave way for her separation to meet the man of her dreams

All in all, they finally separated, but let ask ourselves, when and how to know its time to let go?

You cannot force yourself to let go, no matter how much you know you want to.

You cannot force something out of your brain space, no matter how much you don’t want it to be there.

You cannot just simply loosen your grip and relax a little and will yourself to stop thinking entirely about something around which your entire world used to orbit.

This is not how it goes.

You are not going to let go the moment someone tells you to “move on,” the day you realize you have to admit certain defeat, the heart-dropping second it occurs to you that hope is, indeed, futile.

You do not let go by simply willing yourself not to care anymore. This is something that people who have never been really, really hung up on something think. This is something that people who have never been deeply attached to something for a sense of safety and security and love and their future believe.

There is nothing wrong with you because you almost get angry when people tell you to just “let go” so nonchalantly, as though they couldn’t fathom the storms in your head and heart.

How can you become so passive about something you have spent so much of your time, and your life, actively working to maintain and restore?

You can’t.

You don’t.

You start to let go the day you take one step toward building a new life, and then let yourself lay and stare at the ceiling and cry for as many hours as you need.

You start to let go the day you realize that you cannot continue to revolve around a missing gap in your life, and going on as you were before will simply not be an option.

You start to let go the moment you realize that this is the impetus, this is the catalyst, this is that moment the movies are made about and the books are written around and songs are inspired by.

This is the moment you realize that you will never find peace standing in the ruins of what you used to be.

You can only move on if you start building something new.

You let go when you build a new life so immersive and engaging and exciting, you slowly, over time, forget about the past.

When we try to force ourselves to “let go” of something, we grip onto it tighter, and harder, and more passionately than ever before. It’s like if someone tells you to not think of a white elephant; that’s the only thing you’ll be able to focus on.

Our hearts work the same way as our minds in this regard. As long as we are telling ourselves that we must let go, the more deeply we feel attached.

So don’t tell yourself to let go.

Instead, tell yourself that you can cry for as long as you need. That you can fall to pieces and be a mess and let your life collapse and crumble. Tell yourself that you can let you foundation fall through.

What you will realize is that you are still standing.

What you build in the wake and the aftermath of loss will be so profound, so stunning, you will realize that maybe, the loss was part of the plan. Maybe it awakened a part of you that would have remained dormant had you not been pushed the way you were.

If you are certain that you cannot let go of what is hurting you, then don’t.

But take one step today, and then another tomorrow, to rebuild a new life for yourself. Piece by piece, day by day.

Because sooner or later, you’re going to go an hour and realize you didn’t think about them, or it. Then a day, then a week… and then years and swaths of your life drift by and everything you thought would break you becomes a distant memory, something you look back at and smile.

Everything you lose becomes something you are profoundly grateful for. With time, you see that it was not the path. It was what was standing in your way.

For you guys out there who take your spouse for granted.

Break ups are hard. Really hard. So much so that sometimes you end up questioning the decision to break up in the first place. And then, suddenly, without meaning to, you’re standing there with a bleeding heart and a blank text message addressed to him asking the golden question :

Should I get back together with him?,

Therefore, People Like Eddy Kenzo, Musuuza and other guys out there…. You should know:

Taking your spouse for granted and having no time for each other is a sure-fire way to have marriage fatigue set in. All too often when a marriage gets stale, people turn to extramarital affairs to spice up their humdrum life, and the 10 million married people outed by my research and experience, proves my point.

I’m stunned by many of my clents’ excuses as to why they have no time, desire, or energy to make love to their spouses. In no uncertain terms I respond, “It’s your job to keep your marriage partner from the temptations of the world. If you’re not making love to your spouse, someone out their will gladly do it for you.”

The good news is that with a little ingenuity monogamy doesn’t have to mean monotony.
If your love life has gotten a little stale lately, and you need to infuse some new life into it, why not try scheduling an affair with your spouse to spice things up?

Set aside an evening or a weekend on a regular basis where the two of you get dressed to the nines and wine and dine each other. Smartphones are banned from the table. Sit and talk and get to know each other all over again. Look each other in the eyes. Hold hands. Flirt with each other. Romance and seduce each other. Stop assuming that you know everything about your spouse. After dinner, check into a motel. Take your time and don’t rush things. Allow plenty of time for massages, caressing, and kissing. Allow time for cocooning afterwards. Cocooning is the art of deliberately locking the world away, so two lovers can timelessly and intimately embrace, energize, and enjoy each other. Bask in the afterglow of lovemaking by talking, touching, kissing, and hugging.

How many times have you saw these couple really show that they are in serious relationship?

Women needs love, much attention and care, they need your presence so its good to balance your musical journey, work and family, money is nothing when there is no love.

So, always,

Remember to schedule your affair in the day or early evening, so that you’re not too tired for post-sex intimacy. Wait, you can’t afford this? Need I remind you that a divorce is going to cost you a lot more in the long run, and if you let the flame of passion burn out in your relationship, divorce might one day become a very real scenario; so look at this expenditure as money well spent and good investment in your financial future.

Thanks from me, Counselor MRU.

Still confused? These are Main Reasons why you should major Social Work

Ask a social worker for the reason they chose the social work profession and the standard answer is “I want to help people.” I think this is the expected answer. This is what the person asking wants to hear because it validates their impression of social workers and social work. Social workers are soft, bleeding hearts, want to save the world types. Their impression is read on their faces and in their tone as they respond, “Oh, well, that must be very rewarding.” Then the subject changes.

None of us would dare say we went into social work to make money. That statement would probably send listeners into a fit of hysterical, belly laughter. As a matter of fact, we would probably start laughing before finishing the sentence. No one, however, would laugh if a doctor or lawyer made that statement.

I think that many of us chose social work because of the good feeling that we get when we help someone. There are other reasons, as well, based on our skills, abilities and interests. Some chose the profession because of strong problem solving abilities. Others chose the profession because of exceptional analytical skills. Still others chose social work because of their proficiencies in verbal and written communication.

Do our skills have a positive influence on others? Yes! Does our collective ability create a powerful force in the community around us? Absolutely

Social Work is a rewarding and important subject area, and individuals who are sufficiently trained are essential to help the well-being of the community and beyond. If you’re wondering whether Social Work is the degree for you, here are reasons why it is:

You will learn how to make a positive impact

Social Work is all about understanding and striving to improve the lives of people in society. Social workers listen to peoples’ needs, from young children to people struggling with addictions, and help them to cope and improve their happiness. You could be making a different person’s life easier every day.

2. There are many job options

A degree in Social Work provides students with the ability to undertake a variety of different professional roles. These roles include working as a probation officer, a charity officer and a family support worker.

3. Every day is likely to be different
If you’re not interested in a career sat behind a computer all day, then Social Work can offer a more exciting option. Different situations arise everyday, and social workers can find themselves in many different settings from hospitals to homes to police departments.

4. Graduate starting salaries are good
If you want to be a social worker, then a degree will put you in a better position for a strong starting salary than without.

5. You can gain transferrable skills
After studying Social Work you may decide that a profession directly related to the subject area is not for you. Skills that are developed through Social Work courses will be valued by many employers in different sectors, however. These skills include communicating, problem solving, empathy, team work and time management.

6. The world needs social workers
There will always be people in need, so there will always be a demand for those who are educated in the subject area, meaning jobs shouldn’t be too difficult to find

7. You want to help others.

Social work gives you a professional platform with which to engage your inner helper. An MSW degree will allow you to help people from all walks of life with all kinds of problem.

8. You have deep insights about people and about what makes them tick.

You’re interested in feelings and behavior. You’re perceptive about what motivates people. You often empower others to be their best selves, and you find that work rewarding.

9. You had a rough childhood, or went through a challenging period of time yourself.

Many social workers enter the profession after personally experiencing some adversity. Some survived difficult circumstances and now want to help people in similar positions. Others want to continue their journeys of overcoming as part of their day-to-day jobs. As long as your career doesn’t become a never-ending odyssey of self-help, you’ll find yourself in the company of other professionals whose personal paths are similarly intertwined with social work.

10. You need to live a purpose-driven life.

Sure, some of your friends are off to glamorous careers or riches. But those things won’t satisfy you. You need a sense of meaning and a job that makes an impact in order to to feel fulfilled. Even if that job is less financially rewarding than some others.

11. The principles and values of social work line up with your own.

You may have been raised to believe in the good of others, or in doing good work yourself. Perhaps you want to live an ethics-driven life of integrity. As licensed professionals, social workers are not just do-gooders; they adhere to a high level of standards and ethics.

12. Your excited by all the career posibilities.

According to Survey of social work is projected to grow by 16 percent over the next decade. That figure leaves a lot of other professions in the dust, and positions you for numerous employment opportunities. You could start off in the medical social work field, for example, and switch to doing counseling, and then go into administration or return to case management. As a social worker, you have the option to reinvent yourself while staying true to your profession — whether you’re helping someone with housing, victim rights, or hospice care.

13. You are committed to social justice.

Becoming a mover and shaker is in your blood. You possess a sensitivity to those who are marginalized and victimized. You won’t stop until the inequities in the world are righted.

14. Social Work has broad applications for other fields. Licensed social workers are positioned to work in many fields and organizations, not just in healthcare. Some non-traditional areas of social work include tech, human resources, fundraising, philanthropic giving, diversity leadership, and college consulting. This degree gives BIG career options.

15. You need to be engaged and feel alive in the work you do.

A mundane desk job just won’t cut it for someone with your energy.

16. You’re not just compassionate, you’re resilient and resourceful.

Doing whatever is necessary to get the job done is your signature style. In the face of adversity, you are steely and strong. And you know how to stand up to injustice