Our friends and Soulmate that defines the course of our life. Thanks Social workers for the memories. By Lukonge Achilees

Your twenties are a weird time, for a lot of reasons. You become an actual adult with real responsibilities (because college didn’t count). People your age start having babies. You start looking at the world with a new pair of eyes. Topics like the merits of using one communication company versus another become part of your everyday conversations. You think about dating everone. You think about 401k’s. You think about your own mortality. You talk about how Christiano Ronaldo is better than Messi. Sports become the talk of every day, Man u vs Arsenal, Chelsea vs Liverpool, on the side of girls, relationship conversation become daily routine, Marion is in love with Nicholus, Abdu loves Safinah, Shamim has four Boyfriends, Ritah in love with…) that is twenties..

But one of the weirdest parts about your twenties is the way that your friendships change.
It was so easy, before now. Yes, you worked hard to make sure your friends had good birthdays, and someone to talk to about their worries and fears, and someone they knew they could always count on. But still, there was less effort that went into it. Because your friendships in college were your LIFE. You saw them every day. In class. In your dorm room. At any Club around campus that you went to. On the walk to Ssaza. When you stopped in aresturant for a Lunch on your walk back. At the meetings for the organizations that you were involved in. At any party you went to. In the dining halls. In the kitchen you shared in your beloved 4-person apartment senior year. Your friends just showed up, like magical little surprises, everywhere you went. Sometimes took you in his or her room, like i used to go to Marion’s Room, Prudence/Gloria’s room, Kenneth’s room, Abdu’s room and Ben/Elipu’s room.

And it was such a natural part of your existence – the knowledge that you would simply see your friends with no planning required – that you didn’t even think about it.
But then you’re in your early mid-twenties and slowly, and then suddenly, no matter how many friends you have, you feel so, so alone.
Because the foundation of your life, no matter how happy or unhappy you are, is this: wake up, make a living, go home, sleep, wake up, do it all over again. And if you work hard enough, that existence is sprinkled with little happy hours, intramural sports leagues, book clubs, catch-up dinners and Ahh-I’m-so-tired-can-we-reschedule dinners, Memorial Day Weekend reunions, Kabaka birthday run, MTN marathons, Facebook chats. And they make you happy, and keep your social calendar full, and ensure you get the emotional recharging you need from the people you care about. But it’s not natural. It takes effort. Even the most exciting reunion dinner with a friend from college is still tiring – no matter how happy it makes you – if you’ve been up since before sunrise for work.

So little by little, after you blink and realize you’re now twenty-seven instead of twenty-two, your friendships begin to fizzle. Not by choice. Not because someone did something wrong. Not because you no longer have anything in common. But because your friends aren’t the sole focus of your life anymore. Because your life is no longer just wake up, go to class, do homework, and then socialize.

Your life now is bills and deadlines and job interviews and performance reviews and taxes and maybe searching for a mate and maybe trying to make it work if you’ve already found a mate and attending weddings and being in weddings and going to baby showers and trying to find the energy to do laundry after work and crowded subway rides and snoozing the alarm three times and flying home if you (ever) have a spare weekend because you haven’t seen your family in four months. There’s so much to think about now, so much to worry about, so much to get done.

And it is in these moments, in-between the grocery shopping and the cooking and the commuting and the late nights at the office, that your soulmates begin to emerge – the two, or three, or four friends you have that become your other little family. The people that carry you through adulthood. The ones that act like a talisman inside you on your darkest of days. There is nothing wrong with your other friends. Nothing they are missing, nothing they did to upset you. But there is something extra that exists between you and your soulmates. There’s the warm feeling you have in your stomach when you sit at dinner with them – a feeling that comes from the easy conversation, the bottle of red wine that you all agreed on with just one look, and the feeling that you are sitting amongst people who truly understand you. There’s the wave of relief that washes over you when you are reunited with one of them in a hug, because it’s been a few days since you’ve seen them and it feelings like eternity. There’s the knowledge that when you have a bad day at work, or a broken heart, or a feeling of being lost in the middle of your own life, that they will listen to you, they will hear you, they will know how to make you feel less alone.

Your twenties bring the death of a lot of friendships. But they’re also responsible for the birth of friendships that are much deeper, fulfilling, and heartening than you’ve ever experienced in your life.

For my first couple years out of college, I mourned a lot of friendships that I just wasn’t ready to let go of. Like, Akatusasira Marion, Naturinda Prudence, Waliggo Kenneth, Luswata Shafic, Katushabe Gloria, Kizito Abdu, Namatovu Dafinah, Nakabira Soadu, Shamim Precious, Kwagala Betty, Kasibante Gilbert, Okot Ben, Elipu Bruno, Matovu Steven, Erumbi Ritah, Nambalirwa Diana, Humaya Swalehe, Ssembatya Deo and many more from lower classes. I thought of the way we were in college – how light, how simple, how easy it was – and I wanted it to still be that way. But it couldn’t be. I had friends across the country, some halfway across the world. Friends who were getting engaged, friends who were having babies, friends who were moving up the corporate ladder at a shocking pace, friends who were drowning in the stress of grad school, friends who literally had no clue what they were doing. And it wasn’t that I couldn’t be friends with people who were in different situations or stages of life than me – on the contrary, that’s one of the most beautiful parts of friendship. But I couldn’t have a three-dimensional, all-encompassing, we-know-every-detail-about-one-another’s-current-life relationship with all of these people, all of the time, all at once. Because life was getting in the way. And it just wasn’t possible anymore.

Eventually, I came to terms with the fact that it just couldn’t be the way it was in college. Life was different now. Not worse, not depressing. Just different.
After a long enough time, a space began to grow between my friends and my soulmates. Not a bad space, not a negative space – just a space that helped me to understand the difference. My friends were still my friends – we occasionally exchanged funny text messages back and forth, especially on our whatsapp group Social Workers. We liked one another’s statuses as a lazy way of showing we were happy for each other about the good news we were sharing, I smiled when old pictures of us popped up on Facebook especially about our graduation. And that was it.

And then there were my soulmates. The home I had away from home. The family that took care of me when mine was five hundred miles away. The ones who never had to ask “What’s new with you?” because they already knew my boss’s name and my plans for next month and how I spent my Saturday mornings now that I was no longer a drunk college student. The ones who, even if they didn’t live in the same city as me, I somehow felt even closer to now than I did in college.
It’s great to have friends in adulthood. People you look forward to seeing again at weddings, who make you smile when you see they’ve written on your Facebook, whom you exchange texts on whatdapp, whose Snapchat stories still make you laugh. But what’s even better is the emergence of your soulmates. Your tribe. Your supporters, your family, the ones who keep you sane. The ones you would do anything for, and vice versa. The sanctuary from small talk, the pep-talkers, the ones you can trust to tell you what you need – not want – to hear, the ones who will watch Making a Murderer with you for six hours. The people who make you feel like the best is yet to be.
Most of those other people will always be my distant friends. And I’m okay with that. I’m at peace with the fact that it will never be the way it once was. Because why would you want to go back to the past, after you’ve found your soulmates? But all in all memories of your best days still ring in your minds. Thanks friends, thanks social workers for the best memories.

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The kind of president i want. By Lukonge Achilees

I do not write about politics because I want to.
I write about politics because it is my responsibility as a human being.

If we were in a different world, or in a different situation, I would much rather get to my writings about Social Work, Counseling abd adventuring, and philosophy first (I will get to them, eventually).

But I have spoken before of the fire consuming the world, and of my existential responsibility to douse the flames. Alas, I write about politics. Because it is my responsibility. Because it is what I need to do as a human being.

I write about politics because I see a society corrupted by money, I write about politics because of all this, and because anything less than screaming the truth at the top of your lungs would be outright cowardice.

I write about politics because I don’t want to come up empty-handed when my future kids ask me what I did to thwart the danger of Dictarial leaders, of Global Warming. Because I want future generations to know that King Mwanga and president Museveni gave their heart and soul fighting to make their future a better place: to ensuring that it’s even livable in the first place.

I write about politics not because it’s what I want to do, but because it is what’s right.

Therefore,

I want a president who knows the worth of those around him and doesn’t wish to step on that.

I want the president who feels the life of the poor, who grew in the same situation, who can inspire the lower class people.

I want the president who is loyal to people, who is common in the eyes of civilians, who not so brutal and arrogant.

I want the president who is not tribalistic, not nepotistic, not oppressive, not seggregative, and discriminative.

I want a president who respect people, who respect government institution, who dont call himself superior than others.

I want a president who wakes up at 5 in the morning to see the sunrise because it’s the simple things that matter most.

I want a president who isn’t afraid of standing for what he believes in, or against what he doesn’t.

I want a president who puts himself low so others can feel what it’s like to be high.

I want a president who isn’t afraid of the truth, but sadly, it doesn’t take much to get under your paper skin, does it?

I want a president who’s been where we’ve been. Who’s felt what we’ve felt.

I want a president who listens more and talks less.

I want a president who breaks glass ceilings every day and is proud of what they’ve spent their life creating.

I want a president who practices mindful thinking, not mindless tweeting.

I want a president who would throw themselves in front of a bus for us,but unfortunately, I think you’re the one driving the bus, Mr. Museveni.

I want a president who does yoga.

I want a president who wakes up every day blessed to be alive.

I want a president who practices kindness in the most sincere way.
Because that’s what makes a president worthwhile, President Bobi Wine.

FOUR CLASSES OF WOMEN THAT MAY NOT GET MARRIED. By Faridah Nakazibwe

In reference for what Faridah posted on her facebook fans page, on 20th June 2019, that sparked many activists, in regard to feminism. Lets give thoughts and views.

Faridah said,

There are different habits that may hinder a lady from getting married. But here, I’m not going to talk about “Habits”of a lady but rather about “Kinds” of Ladies that face late marriage and most times, No Marriage.

Below are the four kinds of ladies that faces late marriage and the answers that works :
# NB ( Don’t argue with me unless you know how I hate arguing with the wrong people.

People who aren’t open to even listening, who don’t know how to listen, only care about expressing their point of view, can’t respect an opposing viewpoint and/or can’t agree to disagree. So if u want to argue call IGG or Mr Ofwono O) . ok lets go.

1. The Perfect Lady : Here, the Perfect Lady do not imply that the Lady herself is perfect. But rather, their expectation of their dream man is too high that they kept being selective on the type of man that they want. Most times, the person they love may not like them, and the person that likes them, may not be their love. Those Perfect Ladies always want»»», A Tall, Rich, Caring& Handsome man and if the lady is spiritual, she will be waiting for “God’s Will”. Anyman that misses any of the four qualities ends up being rejected.

Their Problem : The problem such ladies face is that they end up loving the “Container” instead of the “Content”.

The Solution : Accommodate a man who posses atleast 50% of the qualities you desire, the rest will develop with love.

2. The Beautiful Lady : A beautiful lady is attractive to the eye. They are victims of multiple relationships. Most guys that date beautiful ladies date them for fun. The attractiveness of a lady makes it difficult for her to keep herself for a man. This is because of temptation from men, knocking left, right and centre.

Their Problem : The problem beautiful ladies face is that no one really loves them for who they are but likes their beauty and men doubt their ability to make a good home. This poses a threat for them to marry because most men consider a beautiful lady as a flirt.

The Solution : Have a picture of the kind of man you really want to marry. You are lucky that you are beautiful, because you will get proposals from various kinds of men; so be ready to identify that man whom you like to marry. Be loyal to him. He will be proud to marry you.

3. The Rich-man’s daughter : The rich man’s daughter bask on the euphoria of her father’s wealth. As far as she’s concerned, her father is her hero and no man can replace her father’s love and care. She believes that every man that is running after her is after her father’s wealth. So this makes them unattractive to men. Men are naturally proud and will not like to muddle their hard earned reputation on such an insult.

Their Problem : Most rich men’s daughters marry late or marry the wrong man.

The Solution : The Humility of a rich man’s daughter is her greatest weapon to attract men. Men will naturally be drawn to you, if you are humble. Your beauty is secondary.

4. The Career Woman : These ladies are hardworking, ambitious and successful in life. They may be feminist. They are the champions of this saying, “What a man can do, a woman can even do it better”. Marriage is not their headache but career.

Their Problem : The problem of career women is time management. They run everything in life like business even relationship. Secondly, they always want to be the Boss in all things and this poses a threat to men. The more masculine a lady behaves, the less attractive she is to a man. No man wants to marry another man.

The Solution : Every Career woman, cries in her closet. She prays for a man who will love and treat her like a woman. Your cry is over, woman! Simply be submissive atleast to a man. Avoid arguments with him. And be More feminine in your outlook. These are what you need to make a man marry you.

FOUR CLASSES OF WOMEN THAT MAY NOT GET MARRIED. By Faridah Nakazibwe

In reference for what Faridah posted on her facebook fans page, on 20th June 2019, that sparked many activists, in regard to feminism. Lets give thoughts and views.

Faridah said,

There are different habits that may hinder a lady from getting married. But here, I’m not going to talk about “Habits”of a lady but rather about “Kinds” of Ladies that face late marriage and most times, No Marriage.

Below are the four kinds of ladies that faces late marriage and the answers that works :
# NB ( Don’t argue with me unless you know how I hate arguing with the wrong people.

People who aren’t open to even listening, who don’t know how to listen, only care about expressing their point of view, can’t respect an opposing viewpoint and/or can’t agree to disagree. So if u want to argue call IGG or Mr Ofwono O) . ok lets go.

1. The Perfect Lady : Here, the Perfect Lady do not imply that the Lady herself is perfect. But rather, their expectation of their dream man is too high that they kept being selective on the type of man that they want. Most times, the person they love may not like them, and the person that likes them, may not be their love. Those Perfect Ladies always want»»», A Tall, Rich, Caring& Handsome man and if the lady is spiritual, she will be waiting for “God’s Will”. Anyman that misses any of the four qualities ends up being rejected.

Their Problem : The problem such ladies face is that they end up loving the “Container” instead of the “Content”.

The Solution : Accommodate a man who posses atleast 50% of the qualities you desire, the rest will develop with love.

2. The Beautiful Lady : A beautiful lady is attractive to the eye. They are victims of multiple relationships. Most guys that date beautiful ladies date them for fun. The attractiveness of a lady makes it difficult for her to keep herself for a man. This is because of temptation from men, knocking left, right and centre.

Their Problem : The problem beautiful ladies face is that no one really loves them for who they are but likes their beauty and men doubt their ability to make a good home. This poses a threat for them to marry because most men consider a beautiful lady as a flirt.

The Solution : Have a picture of the kind of man you really want to marry. You are lucky that you are beautiful, because you will get proposals from various kinds of men; so be ready to identify that man whom you like to marry. Be loyal to him. He will be proud to marry you.

3. The Rich-man’s daughter : The rich man’s daughter bask on the euphoria of her father’s wealth. As far as she’s concerned, her father is her hero and no man can replace her father’s love and care. She believes that every man that is running after her is after her father’s wealth. So this makes them unattractive to men. Men are naturally proud and will not like to muddle their hard earned reputation on such an insult.

Their Problem : Most rich men’s daughters marry late or marry the wrong man.

The Solution : The Humility of a rich man’s daughter is her greatest weapon to attract men. Men will naturally be drawn to you, if you are humble. Your beauty is secondary.

4. The Career Woman : These ladies are hardworking, ambitious and successful in life. They may be feminist. They are the champions of this saying, “What a man can do, a woman can even do it better”. Marriage is not their headache but career.

Their Problem : The problem of career women is time management. They run everything in life like business even relationship. Secondly, they always want to be the Boss in all things and this poses a threat to men. The more masculine a lady behaves, the less attractive she is to a man. No man wants to marry another man.

The Solution : Every Career woman, cries in her closet. She prays for a man who will love and treat her like a woman. Your cry is over, woman! Simply be submissive atleast to a man. Avoid arguments with him. And be More feminine in your outlook. These are what you need to make a man marry you.

FOUR CLASSES OF WOMEN THAT MAY NOT GET MARRIED. By Faridah Nakazibwe

In reference for what Faridah posted on her facebook fans page, on 20th June 2019, that sparked many activists, in regard to feminism. Lets give thoughts and views.

Faridah said,

There are different habits that may hinder a lady from getting married. But here, I’m not going to talk about “Habits”of a lady but rather about “Kinds” of Ladies that face late marriage and most times, No Marriage.

Below are the four kinds of ladies that faces late marriage and the answers that works :
# NB ( Don’t argue with me unless you know how I hate arguing with the wrong people.

People who aren’t open to even listening, who don’t know how to listen, only care about expressing their point of view, can’t respect an opposing viewpoint and/or can’t agree to disagree. So if u want to argue call IGG or Mr Ofwono O) . ok lets go.

1. The Perfect Lady : Here, the Perfect Lady do not imply that the Lady herself is perfect. But rather, their expectation of their dream man is too high that they kept being selective on the type of man that they want. Most times, the person they love may not like them, and the person that likes them, may not be their love. Those Perfect Ladies always want»»», A Tall, Rich, Caring& Handsome man and if the lady is spiritual, she will be waiting for “God’s Will”. Anyman that misses any of the four qualities ends up being rejected.

Their Problem : The problem such ladies face is that they end up loving the “Container” instead of the “Content”.

The Solution : Accommodate a man who posses atleast 50% of the qualities you desire, the rest will develop with love.

2. The Beautiful Lady : A beautiful lady is attractive to the eye. They are victims of multiple relationships. Most guys that date beautiful ladies date them for fun. The attractiveness of a lady makes it difficult for her to keep herself for a man. This is because of temptation from men, knocking left, right and centre.

Their Problem : The problem beautiful ladies face is that no one really loves them for who they are but likes their beauty and men doubt their ability to make a good home. This poses a threat for them to marry because most men consider a beautiful lady as a flirt.

The Solution : Have a picture of the kind of man you really want to marry. You are lucky that you are beautiful, because you will get proposals from various kinds of men; so be ready to identify that man whom you like to marry. Be loyal to him. He will be proud to marry you.

3. The Rich-man’s daughter : The rich man’s daughter bask on the euphoria of her father’s wealth. As far as she’s concerned, her father is her hero and no man can replace her father’s love and care. She believes that every man that is running after her is after her father’s wealth. So this makes them unattractive to men. Men are naturally proud and will not like to muddle their hard earned reputation on such an insult.

Their Problem : Most rich men’s daughters marry late or marry the wrong man.

The Solution : The Humility of a rich man’s daughter is her greatest weapon to attract men. Men will naturally be drawn to you, if you are humble. Your beauty is secondary.

4. The Career Woman : These ladies are hardworking, ambitious and successful in life. They may be feminist. They are the champions of this saying, “What a man can do, a woman can even do it better”. Marriage is not their headache but career.

Their Problem : The problem of career women is time management. They run everything in life like business even relationship. Secondly, they always want to be the Boss in all things and this poses a threat to men. The more masculine a lady behaves, the less attractive she is to a man. No man wants to marry another man.

The Solution : Every Career woman, cries in her closet. She prays for a man who will love and treat her like a woman. Your cry is over, woman! Simply be submissive atleast to a man. Avoid arguments with him. And be More feminine in your outlook. These are what you need to make a man marry you.

Signs of depression no one want to talk about. By Lukonge Achilees

1. Switching from happy to sad in a random instant. Depression can kick in and just make you not want to do anything or completely turn a 180 on your personality. Fine line between happiness and sadness, fine line indeed.

2. Boredom. Everything feels like the 6th consecutive hour of daytime television. Even the most exciting things or things you love the most feel like a total drag.

3. Being more socially awkward than usual. Because you don’t want to sound like Eyore, you try to fake being normal. Because you don’t want to seem needy, you’re more standoffish than you would usually be. You wind up just being super awkward.

4. Trying to make other people happy to compensate for how shitty you feel. You wouldn’t know that some people suffer daily with depression because they’re always joking and trying to make others happy/laugh. For me it’s a coping mechanism I guess. I can feel listless and discontent with everything, but I’ll still want to make my loved ones smile in an attempt to make them happier than I am.

5. Sleeping too little. Laughing just a bit louder and smiling just a bit wider than normal. Eating habits suddenly changing, either overeating or eating too little or suddenly losing interest or finding fault with foods they used to enjoy because everything just tastes bland.

6. Cancelling plans or saying no to social events when this is usually not the case.

7. Trying to make as little as an impression as possible, trying to always be just a background figure. If attention is given usually feels undeserved. Almost olympic levels of impostor syndrome.

8. Incapability of long-term thinking. Planning ahead, scheduling, is like rocket science for a kindergartener.

9. Irritability. People assume that having depression just means you’re sad all the time. Not true. You’re just as likely to be irrationally angry about something as you are to be sad about it.

10. Total apathy and dissociation, inability to focus on a task. Most of my time depressed was not active, I didn’t cry or get mad, I didn’t do anything. I stared at my computer or the wall and did things only when told.

11. Trouble thinking, concentrating, and remembering.

12. Loss of interest in sex.

13. Everything seeming like a dulled shade of enjoyment. Like wearing sunglasses indoors, watching tv… oh, and to expand on this, and wearing ear plugs… the colors and sounds are all muted.

14. Shoulder pain. Generally, it’s more considered body ache, but for me it’s my shoulders. Wherever you hold stress and tension in your body will get overworked.

15. Procrastinating, because everything feels like a chore.

16. A messy room. People with depression can sometimes lay in bed for days on end, and go weeks without showering. During that time, the junk really adds up, and even if they get back into the normal rhythm, they don’t care enough or feel like they have enough energy to clean up after themselves.

17. Dropping grades and skipping classes. Too many of the “bad” kids in high schools are treated like delinquents when they just have lost the motivation to accomplish anything. Too many are labeled as a burnout, and turn to marijuana to rid themselves of anxiety. Sometimes even harder drugs. I have never met a drug dealer or buyer that was happy with their life or had a good childhood.

18. Inability to get out of bed at all. I’ll wake up, then sleep, then wake up, then sleep and finally I’ll wake up and lay in bed trying to force myself not to sleep again.

19. Cycling through emotions, narcissism, anger, paranoia, health anxiety, fixation, anhedonia, intrusive thoughts, anger, mania, body dysmorphia, insomnia, panic attacks, ocd.
Most mental health is related, so things associated with other disorders like ADHD, personality disorders, psychosis, anxiety, ptsd can all present similar symptoms in depressed patients. Obviously these are all very different diagnosis, but there is more overlap than people assume.

20. This may sound odd and may just be me – but food doesn’t taste right. Some things are ok but a lot of food tastes like cardboard or is just “off”.

21. Resisting help or treatment. There’s a weird, almost paradoxical comfort in being depressed. Often, you’ll rationalize that you deserve to feel miserable. You might actively push away others who try to help, or even lash out at them. And when that person gives up, you feel a sick sort of comfort because your misery is now justified. You’re a piece of shit who deserves to be unhappy. The person who gave up must not truly care about you. These are lies your depression tells you, and you believe it because it feels true.

22. Over-giving. Not sure if this is everyone with depression or just me, but I find myself always over-giving in romantic relationships, and even with my family and friends. I guess it boils down to trying to buy the love and affection from people because I don’t feel good enough, and I subconsciously worry that if I stop giving my all, then they won’t want to be with me. A sad and pathetic example is how I just bought my boyfriend of four months new tiles for the floors of his entire condo, and a trip to Europe this summer…while he couldn’t even be bothered to get me flowers for Valentine’s Day. I know I need to stop, but giving becomes a weird addiction I suppose.

23. Carelessness. You don’t care about what happens anymore to yourself. You can go fuck yourself up and you won’t care because you don’t feel like you are worth protecting/keeping safe anymore.

24. Not keeping up with your hygiene. Whether it’s not showering, brushing your teeth, or even combing your hair.
25. Taking one seemingly normal every day task and have it turn into a gigantic insurmountable ordeal. Like taking a shower. Doing laundry. Calling someone.

26. Being paranoid that all my loved ones hate me, feeling like I’m a burden on their lives because I talk to them about my issues. I know they love me, I know they would drop everything for me because they do. But I still find myself distancing myself when I get bad enough because I want them to be happy and when I’m depressed I feel like a burden.

27. Letting the dishes or laundry pile up until you have nothing to eat on or nothing to wear; but that doesn’t matter because you can just eat garbage take out and wear the same pajamas everyday and still not be bothered to keep your home clean

28. Co-dependence. You want to be alone, but to get anything done you have to ask people to help you. Only you don’t actually ASK them, you just say what you don’t have or can’t do, and hope they volunteer to help based on what you said, because asking them directly would make you feel guilty.

29. Starving yourself without noticing.

30. Not sleeping well – sleeping too much / too little. Waking up at odd times during the night. That sort of thing.
If you stop dreaming at all (I.e. not even nightmares) my doc said that’s when you really need to see someone.

31. Forgetting everything. Whether it’s appointments in the future, school stuff or what I did yesterday. It’s like vanished.

32. Looking forward to absolutely nothing. As in…there is just about nothing that excites you and you struggle to get out of bed without dreading what lingering thoughts might pop into your head arbitrarily.

33. Isolation.

34. The re-starting or commencing of “bad habits” such as smoking, drinking, eating junk.

35. I quit cleaning. I quit caring about the fact there’s 16 bags of trash around me. I completely zone out of real life and just go through motions.

36. Being angry at people for literally breathing.

37. The lack of interest or disassociation while your hanging out with people.

38. The constant, overwhelming mental fatigue. Not necessarily physical fatigue but the feeling of chains around you, some kind of pressure keeping everything back.

39. Sudden cheerfulness. If that happens out of the blue after a long spell of depression, the person is likely going to commit suicide and is cheerful for the relief it’ll bring. Especially if it’s accompanied by giving stuff away. Be vigilant if your depressed loved one is suddenly super cheerful.

40. Masturbating non stop. Like countless times in a day till you’re dry to the bone.

41. Loss of interest in the things you love to do.

42. It feels like your brain is on “low power mode”, anyone who has depression will know what I’m talking about. It’s as if your brain isn’t living life to its fullest intensity, no matter how bad you try to make it to.

43. Weight loss or weight gain.

44. The fucking cloudiness you have over all of your thoughts.

45. The “Impossible Task.” A seemingly simple chore that is just blocked in my mind from performing. Usually involves phone calls. I will need to call to make an appointment or just return a business call. If I actually could do it, it would take five minutes. But I procrastinate and do anything to avoid it, usually making the issue worse.
For example, I have maybe five dishes and a bunch of silverware in my sink. They’ve been there a ridiculously long time. There is nothing preventing me from doing them; it makes no logical sense to leave them. But I will cover them with a dish cloth so I don’t have to see them and use paper plates instead. I will do yard work (which I hate), clean the toilet, alphabetize my media…all to avoid those fucking dishes.
And the task just looms bigger and bigger and gets harder to do.

46. Finding different ways to cause yourself pain without making visible marks.

47. Social withdrawal. You can’t carry conversations unless provoked. One word sentences become normal. A lot of people think it’s just being in a “bad mood” but it’s really because you want to be left alone to wallow in your own misery.

48. Being the jokester of the friend group. I know I compensated for being sad all the time with cracking jokes and seeming over happy all the time

49. Memory problems. People think depression is just being sad but it’s actually debilitating.

50. Poor gum health and poor gut health.

For all students in doubt, you can do it. By Lukonge Achilees

Carry on, do not let your heart into the depths of your deepest fears—carry on. I know it’s scary, but remember that nothing worth having comes easy.
Your coffee may have turned salty, that page may have turned crisp, all because of all the tears you’ve shed—the heart you’ve poured—but always remember that you have come this far not only to come this far.
You’re already on your way there, do not stop yourself from being who you want to be.
Keep in mind that your fear won’t help you reach your goals, that doubt will only trigger you to panic, and have yourself stuck in a state of oblivion—a mental coma, an emotional blackout, a one way ticket towards the river of lost souls—leave while you can.
Allow yourself to breathe, to recuperate, to believe that you can do it no matter how hard it is, how hard it would be—remember to be human.
Allow yourself to embrace your weakness and turn them into strengths, to let your fear become courage, and your doubt to become motivation.
Please know that it is not only a matter of remembering your “why” when you have lost the will to fight, but it is also about remembering to say “why not” when the world starts to ask you why.
Remember that you can always swim towards the sun and feel the warmth of hope. Remove the thought of your heart sinking in your deepest fears, remove the idea of swimming through the ocean of doubt—let it go, swim above, and feel the sun on your face.
“You can do it,” repeat it to yourself, remind yourself, that even though it gets tough you can always do it.